Sooner or Later
by iheartShules
Summary: She couldn't wait for the day when she could re-emerge in the lives of those she loved and cared about, she had a feeling that day was coming soon. ::Takes place after the season 3 finale so spoilers up through 3x23. AU since Joss Carter lives on! It's me so Careese is gonna happen eventually and rating most likely will become M because I'm a smut monger ;P::
1. Chapter 1

_**AN: This WAS going to be an oneshot to Careese Themes which I think quite literally I would be skinned alive had I posted it in Themes. So I decided to take pity on myself, post this separate at the insistence of my friends. Thanks Elaine and Gretchen for listening to me whine about being undecided about it. You guys put up with so much from me, I appreciate it. Here's the thing, it's a work in progress since I'm not sure if this will be exactly the greatest, and I'm posting this to put some feelers out, see if you guys will like this kind of story or not. If not, I'll let it go and write it for my itty bitty self and my friends, but if it seems like you guys dig it I'll make this into a tiny multi-chap fic. Nothing huge. Got a whole other HUGE fic thing that I wasn't going to post but I decided to heed SWWoman's advice! It was my therapy over Joss's death, maybe you guys would find it enjoying too. But no hints on what it is cuz it might take a while to post it, since Moments needs an update too :D  
**_

_**Okay, with that said one tiny thing so you know, Root refers to the machine as SHE on the show, so I wanted to keep that in my story. So all of Root's references to the machine as she, her, herself will be in italics, so you know that when Root is referring to she it means the machine :D Thnx Elaine for that little suggestion it does make it easier to know! **_

_**Plus this story is AU since Joss is alive, but that is the only AUish thing about this ;P ugh, okay I'll shut up to let you guys read.**_

* * *

"Buy you a drink?" A man sidled up next to her, making her pull her gaze off her half-drunk scotch on the rocks. It wasn't her favorite drink but it was his.

"I have one," she answered.

"Well, since I can't buy you a drink, can I ask for your name?" The man was good looking. He had a shaved head, a goatee; his rich mocha skin looked like he put lotion on to make it so creamy smooth. "My name is Ty."

"Look I'm not in the mood to be hit on; it's been a very long day," Joss said, trying to let him down gently. Not in a good mood in the least. In fact, if she was honest, she hadn't been in a good mood since she died…or technically 'sort of' died.

"A very beautiful woman like you won't be sitting in this bar alone for long," he said with a sweeping look of the darkly lit bar filled with men and women in suits. He flashed her a smile full of teeth, gave her a once over as if she should be flattered to be getting his attention, and a distinctive male look. She was unimpressed; these pretty boys always thought they were all that, and 9 out of 10 times they were just filled with hot air.

"You're right, since I won't be staying for long, I'm only here to save your life Mr. Tyler Macklebee," she acknowledged, throwing back the final bit of the drink she had and grimaced as the alcohol burned the back of her throat, eyeing his shock. Joss stood up, sliding bills out of her pocket to pay for her drinks just before she yanked her Nano out, shooting a guy in the leg as he entered the bar without even bothering to look. He cried out, she kicked the semi-automatic handgun away from the skinny man's reach, and smiled down at the writhing man. "I suggest, Mr. Granderson, before you go about shooting your former boss, Mr. Macklebee here, for firing you, you should really look in the mirror and realize why you were terminated in the first place," she suggested, yanking his hands back, zip-tying them together. She straightened, flicking back some hair behind her ears. The man who had been trying to hit on her just stared in shock.

"Who the hell are you?" the man she just saved demanded. Her dark brown gaze fell on his and she gave him a small shrug, then a secretive smile.

"A concerned citizen," she winked before turning to look at the bartender. "I suggest you call the police, specifically request Detective Lionel Fusco and his new partner, Detective Sameen Roberts, tell them a former friend sends them regards…oh and an ambulance for the guy too." She turned, exiting the bar without any more conversation. The cool night's air smacked her in the face, sending her hair billowing when the wind gusted, and she fixed her collar of her half wool and half leather coat. It was already into June, but it was taking quite a while for this past brutal winter to leave.

She pulled her cell phone out, dialing a number and only had to wait one ring before it was answered. "I saved him," she said instead of greeting the other person on the other end.

"Good, I appreciate the help, Joss." The woman on the other end was way too mysterious and she wasn't totally sure if Root was a good guy or not, but at this point she wasn't ready to question it. They had similar interests as of right now, protecting their friends, and for that she was willing to work side by side with her. She just wanted to rise from the dead, she was tired of the vampire routine, and she missed her life.

"Root, we need to meet."

"Yes, we do, let's meet at Central Park, in say, ten minutes." Joss agreed and hung up.

A few minutes later Joss entered Central Park with cool confidence, hands now stuffed into her jacket pockets, while her mind was back in the past. She had nearly lost everything she once held dear to her, she didn't think she'd ever see her son again or the man that came to mean the most to her until one day three months ago when Root reentered her life. Root had rescued her from her 'prison' of witness protection, telling her that the machine just informed her that Joss was truly alive, and that she was an asset in their fight against Decima. Since then, since helping Root with the relevant list, she had only thought of getting back to her son and John.

She saw her boy for the first time in a long time two months ago. Taylor had cried, she cried, and she thanked Root for giving her a chance to see her boy again, which was accepted with a nod of the head and a motion it was time to go. She had fibbed to her boy, claiming she was helping the government, that she wasn't going to be able to be around for a while. Root had facilitated the story by flashing her FBI badge that she had gotten at some point and, with that, he had let her go, telling her to be safe. She couldn't wait for the day when she could re-emerge in the lives of those she loved and cared about, she had a feeling that day was coming soon.

She saw Root waiting for her.

"Hello, Joss," she greeted with a smile.

"Hello R-"but paused when the woman held a finger to her lips. "Oh right, forgot you have a new name, right? Hannah Benson is it?"

"Yes, as you know from our little talk that, with Samaritan being online, my life, Harold's, Sameen's, and John's lives are all in danger. We need to live ordinary lives, speak in code, or we're dead." Joss nodded her head solemnly. Root had told her about what happened a few weeks earlier, she had been scared and worried for them all. "That's where you come in, since you're already dead." Root motioned for them to walk together.

"The latest numbers you've been giving me are irrelevants, so I guess my helping with relevant numbers is over."

"Yes, the relevant numbers are going to the government again but with Samaritan instead of to _her_," she acknowledged. "'He's' trying to find where _she_ is located, which is worrisome, but _she's_ protecting _herself_," Root said, continuing to refuse to acknowledge that the machine and this Samaritan didn't have a gender, so Joss gave up trying to get the woman to stop using the pronouns. It was pointless arguing about it.

"You promised that after I didn't need to help with the relevant numbers any longer that I could see John again," she said. "I'm holding you to that, I want to see him now." Want-no, she _needed_ to see him again.

"Which is why I asked to meet with you here," she assured her before pulling out a manila folder.

"What's this?" she asked, taking the manila folder without looking at its contents, her gaze on the brunette beside her.

"All the information you need to know about who, where, and what John is doing. I highly recommend not seeing him at all, but, if you must you have to make it brief as possible." Root sounded apologetic but it didn't matter, she shook her head.

"Brief? That wasn't the arrangement when I agreed to help you and your machine."

"I know, but we had to amend it since we didn't fully anticipate that Samaritan would go live," Root explained, looking around the park, making sure they weren't speaking too loudly.

"Well amend it again, because if you don't, I'm out."

"Would you? Would you abandon helping people just to get to see Lurch again?"

"Don't talk down to me, _Root_," she whispered her name. "Months ago you took me from a rehab center where I was under the watchful eye of Federal Marshals and the FBI by tasering my security detail. You asked me to hear you out and I did. I listened to you as you asked me to help you with the relevant numbers. I trusted you when you said you'd let me see Taylor and you did, you asked me to wait to see John until after we didn't have the relevant numbers to save or stop any longer. Well that has happened. Now it's time to pay up."

"I know this has been hard for you detective, staying a ghost to your friends has put a lot of stress on you. _She_ knows that, but showing up into John's life for an extended period of time could alert Samaritan, especially if your real identity is found out. The life, the identity in that manila folder that I created for John is to remain secret to remain ordinary. If you are found out to be alive, you don't expect a media circus to happen? You're the female detective that brought down HR and was a fatal casualty of that operation; your face will be plastered on every news station; local and nation-wide if you're found to be alive. Tell me, Joss, what if you're with John when that happens?"

"That's hypothetical!" Oh, she had no doubts that if her identity was found out that a press circus would happen as Root claimed. HR was a huge national story, her 'death' had been national news, but she would be careful so no one found out until it didn't matter anymore. "I can be careful; I've been parading around for a couple months now, alive and well, without anyone being the wiser."

"Yes, but what happens if and when your luck runs out? If John's secret identity is found out, he's as good as dead because there is no way _she_ or I could help him."

"So what, I get to see John for seconds-bare minutes and then I have to let him go?" Joss asked as her breath hitched. "Why didn't you let me see him in the first place back when you let me see my boy, back before Samaritan came online?" she demanded.

"We needed his anger," Root said quietly and Joss stiffened.

"You made him suffer, made me suffer, because you wanted to use my _death_ to fuel his hurt and his anger?" her tone grew colder with each passing word.

"We thought it would help him choose to kill the congressman; we thought he would do it because of what happened to you with HR. He was going to, but Harold talked him out of it, and when John failed to kill him _she_ had to go to Plan B."

"So-let me get this straight, you allowed me to see my son but not John so he could kill a congressman because he was still hurting over my death? So he could save the machine?"

Root shook her head. "No, so he could save _all of us_."

"Who the hell do you think you are, that you get to play with people's emotions, play god like that?!"

"I'm not playing, Joss, _she_ is god," Root said quietly with an intense look on her face. "_She_ feels bad for John but _she_ also knew that, in the end, it would all work itself out. And it still can, we need your help to save him, us...and _her_."

"Why should I continue to help you, after what you just told me?" she demanded.

"Because it's in your nature, because if you do this, you'll get your life back and so will everyone you care for, and you'll be able to tell John how you feel about him," Root said with a ghost of a smile on her lips. "I don't care much for the man myself, but I saw the look in your eyes, detective, when you saw the photos of him that I gave you months ago." That memory was burned in her brain forever, she nearly sobbed sitting in the car with Root, staring at him. Joss had kept those photos of John for herself. They got her through her loneliest hours, it got her to muster up even more in her to take down the relevant numbers, or stitch herself up after an injury by just seeing his photo. Seeing photos of John at her gravesite, anguish written on his face, love ebbing out of him as he kissed her marble tombstone as Root had captured him, gave her the strength to do what needed to be done. Each and every time she gazed at those photographs she felt a renewed sense of confidence in herself. Because one day she was going to walk back into his life, show him that, yes, he had suffered, but she was there to take his pain away. And she wasn't ever going to leave him again.

Joss locked her feelings for that man away, determined to keep her feelings private. "Let me make one thing perfectly clear, do not ever try to perceive you know anything about me or my feelings, especially for John. Do you understand me?"

"Yes, Joss, I understand perfectly." She had a cocky grin on her face that Joss would love nothing more than to smack off of her face. "So are you still willing to help?"

"Of course I am, I just don't agree with your methods."

"Good, I have a new number for you."

"Tomorrow. Tonight I have to go see someone," Joss said, feeling giddy as she began backpedaling towards the entrance of the park wanting to go see him now.

"Remember make it brief, detective," Root warned. "I might not perceive to know anything about your feelings for Lurch, but I do know his for you. He won't readily just let you leave him, you're his weakness." Joss paused, looking at the brunette.

"I'm not his weakness."

"Love is a weakness; the helper monkey has too many feeling." Joss had enough. This woman was willing to use his so called 'weakness' to her advantage and then she turns around and disparages him for having them! The nerve!

"Who the hell do you think you are, passing judgment on him for having feelings, for having emotions?!" Joss snarled quietly, feeling like an animal readying itself for an attack. She moved close to Root, seeing the surprise in the dark eyes. "Let me tell you something about John. When I first met him, he was closed off, empty, and he didn't look like he had any hope. He looked lost, vulnerable, and his soul was so badly battered that I didn't know if I could help him, but even as tortured as his soul was, it wasn't broken. He was better than it all. He just needed someone to believe in him again and he found that with Harold with saving the numbers. It gave him a reason to go on. John feels things so deeply, so profoundly and you were willing to exploit that to save your machine! His feelings, his emotions are his greatest strengths, but then again you wouldn't know anything about that would you since all you care about are machines," Joss spoke out angrily, breathing raggedly, watching Root's face closely, but she gave away nothing.

"I'm sorry to have upset you, Joss," Root spoke quietly having taken the tirade in stride.

"Yet you succeeded in doing it so well, _Hannah,_" she hissed her cover name. "You don't know him, you don't know anything about him, so I suggest you never say a bad thing about John in front of me again, or you won't like what I do," she vowed.

"You look so fierce, Joss, so riled up over your man…that's why I am asking you to not see him, because, regardless if he can let you go or not, you can't let him go," Root stated quietly.

"You have no idea what I am or am not capable of doing," she replied. "I'm seeing him," she said as she turned, hurrying to her car, and opened the manila folder to find John.

She greedily looked into who John was forced to be. John Reyes, mid-forties, single, a bartender. She rolled her eyes. John, a bartender; she couldn't see him doing anything so…so typical. But Root had included where John was employed currently, Corner Bristo in the heart of Manhattan. He lived just a block away, surprisingly it was only five minutes from her own small apartment that Root had gotten her.

She'd go see if he was at work, if not then she'd just let herself into his place as he done so many times to her, paybacks were a bitch, she thought with a smile as she drove. _"Yes, but what happens if and when your luck runs out? If John's secret identity is found out-he's as good as dead because there is no way she or I could help him." _Root's words haunted her as she drove. Was she putting her own selfish desires to see him ahead of his well-being? She knew that once she reappeared into his life, he wouldn't let her vanish from him again, and what if someone learned who she truly was. She could be risking John's life.

Joss pulled up across the street from Corner Bristo, pulled out her binoculars and zoomed in. Her heart stopped as she saw him. He was wearing a black t-shirt with Corner Bristo written on the upper left side. It was tucked into his denim jeans, showcasing that flat stomach and nice muscular chest he had. His hair was au-natural without a hint of hairspray, just a comb graced his locks. It was a bit longer, maybe grayer too. Why, all of a sudden, did her fingers itch? Her adoring gaze swept down as he bent to wipe down a small square wooden table that could seat 4. She was unashamed as she ogled his ass that was incased in well-worn light blue jeans that seemed to have been stitched together with him in mind.

She slid from her car, walking across the street, careful to remain out of his sight as she moved his way. She wasn't ready for him to know she was alive. A large and blue 'Sorry we're CLOSED' sign hung on the front entrance. Joss got to the edge of the large window, peeking in, seeing him with his back turned to her. She pulled her cell phone, used the malware app, and cloned his phone. When it read force-pair complete, she grinned as she watched John grab his phone as it must have made a beep. He pocketed it in his side pocket once more and turned. She hid behind the brown bricks, sucking in breath, worried he had seen her before she was certain she was ready to blow apart his world.

Joss crossed the street, hit the microphone button, and climbed into her car. _"John, my boy, you look tired again!"_ Joss furrowed her brows when a feminine voice filtered through her phone. Someone was in there with John.

"_No, Mrs. Lopez, I'm fine."_ Joss closed her eyes as his voice washed over her. She hadn't heard that sexy, soft, rumble in so long…she didn't think she'd ever get to hear it again.

"_It's Selena remember."_

"_Sorry." _He sounded sincere, as if he wasn't accustomed to calling her by her first name, which was formal, so Joss was taking a guess that this was his manager. She grabbed the file to find out, listening to them talk.

"_John, you need sleep. Drink some tart cherry juice; it should help naturally with your sleeping problem_." The woman spoke to John as if she was his mother Joss decided; so no threat to her. She finally found John's employer in his folder; Selena Lopez, age 66, widower and owner of Corner Bristo for over 25 years. She lowered the file, pulled her binoculars back up to her eyes, watching John once more. He was standing near another table, cleaning it while he talked with the woman amicably. He sounded sad; she knew it had to be that he had to pretend to be John Reyes without knowing how his friends were. He was very protective of his friends, not so much himself, and she bet that this forced separation from Harold and the team was taking its toll on him.

Joss shifted to get comfortable as she listened to their conversation, laughing when John was chided about being single and needing to find a woman to make a houseful of babies. John's reaction had been utterly cute; she heard his stutter of "…er, um, uh." She could imagine John's children with big blue eyes and little daredevils. It was a shame he never had a child, he'd make a great father if he ever let himself enjoy life.

His employer made a snarky comment to him, bringing a rumble of laughter from John, and she smiled softly. This Selena was good for him, made him laugh, took care of him, and tears welled up in her eyes. She couldn't go to him, she couldn't hurt him. It was being selfish to risk his life, his well-being, just because she couldn't take not seeing him. He grieved for her but he was finding a way to live in the world he was forced into as of right now. John wouldn't let her go and to be perfectly honest, if she walked up to him and showed herself to him, she wouldn't be able to let him go either. She'd want to remain rooted in his life, to hell with the consequences. One look at him, face to face and she'd be toast. Her phone rang, she knew it was Root, and she clicked her earpiece, answering.

"What?" she snapped as a way to fight the tears that threatened to fall.

"You haven't gone to him," Root said.

"What are you doing, following me?"

"No, _she_ sees you."

"How can I just enter his life, Root, and then disappear again? He wouldn't let me." _And Root was right; I'm not strong enough to let him go._

"No he wouldn't."

"You knew I'd have a change of heart after seeing him, you let me go on purpose!" she accused.

"Yes, _she_ and I both figured you would come to your senses, that seeing him would not be in either of your best interests." Root agreed. "But I came up with an idea, knowing you'd put his well-being ahead of your own desires."

"An idea?"

"Yes, a way you can be in his life without his knowledge."

"How?" she whispered, blinking tears back. She wanted nothing more than to walk up to him, wrap her arms around him, and breathe him in.

"Leave it to me, but when I call you, you answer on the first ring and do as I say. No questions this time, Joss."

"I'll do anything," She whispered. She'd do anything if it meant she got to speak to him again without him knowing, to protect him. She didn't see how it would work, but she was willing to let Root work her magic.

"Now I suggest you leave and go home, I'll call you as soon as I can." Root said before hanging up. Joss sighed heavily. She forced herself to turn key in the ignition, forced herself to pull out onto the road, and drive away from John. Joss was hit with the realization that she was helplessly in love with John and soon tears that had threatened to fall finally did.

* * *

John barely entered his apartment when his cell rang; nobody had his number except for his employer, Selena, and Root. Selena kicked him out and told him to go home, so that left Root. Since the day they all went their separate ways he hadn't heard from her or anyone. He answered it slowly.

"Hello," he answered noncommittedly.

"Hi John, it's me, Hannah, long time no see," Root greeted. He smiled, realizing why Root had chosen the name she had.

"Hello…Hannah."

"So I have a little job for you."

"You still get the numbers?"

"Yes, our other friends, Harold and Sameen, are hard at work on some of them as we speak."

"Why haven't you contacted me in a while, friend?"

"Because where you are located at and what you do doesn't exactly help them the way Sameen's and Harold's have. But don't worry, we haven't forgotten you; we'll be calling you for help soon, however I need something else from you right now."

"What?" he sighed, didn't she know what time it was. But of course she had to know when he punched out at 2:30 this morning from the Corner Bristo since she was in contact with the seemingly all-knowing machine. He yawned mightily, he'd gotten no sleep the night before, his sleep patterns have been bad since Joss died but steadily gotten worse with worry over Harold.

"Write this down." He walked to his small kitchen where old unread mail rested. He flipped a white envelope over, grabbed a pen and fitted his phone between his ear and shoulder, hand ready.

"Go," he commanded.

"Capital J then capital C no spaces, lower case g-u-r-l-4-2-x-o, I again repeat, no spaces." John furrowed his brows as he wrote down what she said, it read 'JCgurl42xo.'

"What is this?"

"It's a username for a dating website _she_ wants you to speak with this person." He wrote the website down as well before eyeing what he had written.

"Why? Is this person an irrelevant?"

"_She_ sees something but _she_ doesn't know what it is, _she_ needs you to investigate this quietly for _her_," Root explained. "I have another username you need to write down as well…yours."

"You already created an account for me?" he grumbled. Couldn't she have given this assignment to Finch or better yet Lionel, and instead give him a real number to investigate?

"And I added your profile picture too; girls have already been sending you threads to start speaking with you." He glowered. "I can't see you, but I can picture the look on your face right now, John. Stop the sourpuss look, it might get stuck."

"What is it?" he snapped, picking the pen back up again.

"All lower case; b-l-u-e-e-y-e-g-u-y-0-0-7, and your password is Finch101." He rolled his eyes as it spelled out blueeyeguy007, which was so _not_ original. "You're a James Bond fan, right?"

"Not really," his voice sounded peeved.

"It's not nice to try to lie to someone who knows what movies you paid money to go see," she tsked and his glower grew bigger. "She's on right now, hurry up, and log on, we need to know who she is." With that Root hung up. Well the machine was going to have to wait, he was going to take a shower and change, and then he'd talk to this woman.

Joss had gone to the place that Root had gotten for her; it was only five minutes from John's. It was a small one bedroom apartment, it was no bigger than probably 600 square feet but it got the job done. She had a kitchen, a living space, a nice spacious bedroom, and a decent bathroom. It was all she needed since she wasn't going to spend her life there anyway. She had plans on getting her son back and wiggling back into John's life soon. Root had been abrupt when she had assured her that she could be in John's life but not show herself to him. She couldn't fathom how, but she was anxious for her phone call, she'd been home now for hours and still no call, it was already a little past 2:30 in the morning. But Root promised to call her, so she needed to remain awake.

She rolled her shoulders before eyeing her cell phone, willing it to ring. When it didn't, she decided to go change for the night while she waited. Joss walked to the left, moving down the small hallway into her bedroom, tugging her shirt over her head, unclasped her bra, and unbuttoned/unzipped her pants before yanking them down. She opened her standard sized dresser yanking out an oversized dark gray t-shirt, then red and black checkered pajama shorts, pulling them on.

Her head lifted immediately when she heard her cell ring, and she tore off running for the door. She rushed out of her bedroom into the living room-kitchen that were connected and lead to the front door. Her phone laid unwanted on the countertop near her fridge. She grabbed it, answering it quickly.

"Hey," she wanted to bitch about how long it took her to call her, but she held it in. She was just grateful that Root had come up with an idea.

"Write this down and hurry." She rushed to her living room where a notepad and pen rested.

"I'm ready," she grabbed the pen. She sped wrote as Root spelled out a username, password, and the website address for her. "Okay what the hell is this?"

"You and John are going to correspond on this website; he believes that the machine sees you as a possible threat but can't determine that since she can't see the whole picture."

"Okay…so wait, he thinks I'm some sort of threat?"

"He doesn't know who or what you are, which will make getting him to correspond with you longer. His username is blueeyeguy007. I used his alias, creating the profile so his co-workers, if they visit the site, will see him on there. John Reyes is single and shy so him having an account on fits right in with his alias. Hurry, I told him to log on and 'talk' with you because were already on-line. This should work, just don't give yourself away, Joss."

"Thanks Root," she said sincerely, before hanging up on the woman, grabbing her laptop on the coffee table, turning it on,and plopping it onto her bed. She walked back to her kitchen poured herself a glass of wine to unwind, and reentered her bedroom logging in on her computer. She went to the website, logged on, and waited. She was on for about five minutes when she received a message saying someone sent her a message.

She clicked on the link to take her to the threads. Joss smiled as John started with a simple 'hi'. She clicked on his thread, opening it to send him a message. Her hand poised above her laptop for a moment before she wrote 'hi' back. She waited only a moment before John responded back.

Blueeyeguy007: My name is John.

She smiled as she sipped her wine, before putting it down to type.

JCgurl42xo: Hi John, that's a nice masculine name. You can call me Jaycee.

She didn't want to give "Joss' as her name for fear that John would know it was her. She didn't see it happening, but keeping up the mysterious air to her persona would help keep John talking with her. He did enjoy solving mysteries and she was going to pose as a huge one to him.

Blueeyeguy007: Alright, Jaycee.

Joss giggled to herself, picturing John glaring at his laptop right at this moment trying to figure out who she was. Root had posted a profile picture of John but posted a pic of a cartoon smiley face for her profile picture. The small bio Root gave for Jaycee would leave any guy wanting to know more; a single woman who is adventurous, independent, and knows who and what she is, seeking a man that is just as adventurous, independent and knows who and what he is.

JCgurl42xo: So tell me about yourself, John. I saw your profile photo, not bad, not bad at all.

Joss sighed as she hit the ENTER button, seeing the pink bubble of what she wrote, waiting for his response. Handsome, John wasn't handsome, he was drop dead gorgeous. Root chose a picture of John actually smiling; she didn't know where Root found it, but she was sure that it was going to excite these single women on this dating website, she realized that the thought irked her.

Blueeyeguy007: I work as a waiter at Corner Bristo.

She rolled her eyes. Even on this he was a man of few words, choosing to ignore her comment on his handsomeness. She was about to write when a ding sounded alerting her to know he messaged more and more came onto her screen.

Blueeyeguy007: I'd like to see what you look like instead of that cartoon smiley face you have.

She smiled as she typed.

JCgurl42xo: Why? Do you think I'm pretty?

She waited only seconds before his response.

Blueeyeguy007: I know you are, every woman is beautiful in their own way. Besides I have this vision of what you look like.

John was such a good man, taking the time to compliment a woman that he figured was lonely. She had to agree, women and men who signed up on this site willingly had to be lonely, making her sort of sad. She already had threads from other male users, all that had gone unheeded and would continue to go unanswered. She only did this, as Root said, as a way to be in John's life anonymously. Joss twirled some hair around her finger, thinking of what she wanted to say. She couldn't believe she was flirting with him on this damned website. He had no idea who she was, yet he figured her to be pretty.

JCgurl42xo: What's this vision, psychic?

She added a winky face then hit ENTER, not being able to help herself in wanting to infuse some humor into their talk. She and John shared a very unique relationship, one she sorely missed.

Blueeyeguy007: You wound me, Jaycee, not trusting in my instincts. But you want me to paint a picture of my vision, alright. In your bio you said you're independent which means to me that you take care of yourself, you eat right and exercise. You know who you are and what you are which means you are self-confident and honest, which are both attractive traits. Then you said you're adventurous…well that could mean anything, and everything I want to know more about.

Joss fanned herself. John sure knew how to turn on the charm even over a laptop. She was attracted to him, getting all his charm and flirtation was just too good to resist.

JCgurl42xo: Well, John, you sure know you're stuff, maybe you are psychic. Are you adventurous because I am adventurous in _every_ aspect of my life?

Before she could think things through she hit the ENTER button. She closed her eyes in disbelief as she reread what she just wrote and sent to John. She just made herself sound like a freak in bed. Oh god, he was going to think she was a pervert and he was going to tell Root he had enough. Maybe she should recant her statement, apologize, or something.

She waited and waited for him to respond, she had waited for about five minutes and she was just about to message him again apologizing when her laptop made a ding sound, alerting her to the fact that he messaged.

Blueeyeguy007: I'm adventurous too.

She let out a breath she hadn't known she was holding, just grateful he responded at all. Her laptop dinged again, her eyes falling back to the screen once more seeing another message from him appear.

Blueeyeguy007: Where do you live Jaycee?

JCgurl42xo: Manhattan, and you?

She knew exactly where John lived and worked but she couldn't very well tell him that.

Blueeyeguy007: What a small world, so do I. What is it that you do for a living?

JCgurl42xo: A little of this and that.

She had to keep up the pretense, besides she couldn't think of a single occupation at the moment, nothing came to her mind at all. Being 'dead' wasn't an occupation, so what could she say?

Blueeyeguy007: Care to be more specific?

JCgurl42xo: I like keeping you on your toes. Maybe I'll give away some of my secrets when I get to know you better.

Joss wrote coyly. She smiled. She just laid the groundwork to get John to agree to talk with her on this website again. She eyed the clock on her small apartment, seeing it was three in the morning.

Blueeyeguy007: I would like to get to know you better, Jaycee.

Joss giggled and pumped her fist in victory. She was pathetic she knew it, but she didn't care. She was going to get to speak, via messaging, to John, keeping him safe while doing so, without blowing his cover, and then, when this whole ordeal was over, she would get to reveal that she was Jaycee, the woman he flirted with.

JCgurl42xo: I guess I should call it a night, its 3 A.M. I don't want to though. I want to spend all night talking to you, but I do need to work tomorrow.

Which was technically true, she did want to stay up all night talking to John, but she did have work to do the morning on a new number she had to save or stop.

Blueeyeguy007: I want that too, but you're right, I need to head for bed myself; I worked a late shift at the Bristo. When will you be on next, Jaycee?

When was a good question, because she didn't know. She wanted to be on whenever he was but she did have the commitment of saving the numbers. She debated and debated, deciding on telling him tomorrow.

JCgurl42xo: I'll be on again Sunday at 8 P.M. Can you make it then?

She needed to learn John's shifts; maybe she'd have Root give her a way to hack into his restaurant's computers to learn his schedule. She waited a few minutes before he messaged back.

Blueeyeguy007: I'm off that day, I'll be here.

JCgurl42xo: It's a date then, talk to you soon, John, goodnight.

Blueeyeguy007: Goodnight, Jaycee.

She waited until he signed off to do the same. Joss sighed as she shutdown the computer, slid the screen down, and leaned back into her pillows. Well as far as connecting with John on the website, it had gone smooth. She was sure she was interesting enough to him to keep him coming back to figure her out, figure out if she was a threat or not, but she wanted to capture his interest in a different way as well. A far deeper way…a far more male interested in a female way.

Well she had about a day and a half to solve whatever new number she got from Root later in the morning. She needed to hit the sack because the earlier she got up, the earlier she could get to working on this new case, to make sure she could keep her date with John on Sunday at 8.

* * *

AN: Yep, so the oneshot would have ended here, John and Joss talking without John's knowledge. So be honest how many of you guys would have lobbed pointy objects at me if this was in Careese Themes? A show of hands... But anyways, if you guys hate it this is where it ends, but if you don't I have a chapter 2 I am halfway through it.

Anyways thanks for reading, I'll wait with anxiety to know if you hate it or think it's a decent idea.


	2. Chapter 2

_**AN: This chapter is a flashback type chapter, it's dated March 6th 2014 well after Joss Carter's apparent death, but before the team has to be disbanded. The bit that's in bold is a journal entry. I left the italics off since it's easier to read when Root's around with her using pronouns to talk about the machine :D**_

_**Thanks for being patient and waiting for this, I hope you enjoy!**_

* * *

_**March 6**__**th**__** 2014**_

_**Today is the last day I'm writing in this journal**__**. I**__**n some ways you have been my friend**__**, **__**letting me laugh, joke, cry, get angry, and you listened to it all. I sometimes come back and reread what I wrote**__**,**__** sometimes I realize just how angry I am. Other times I wonder why I even am continuing writing in you, you offer me no assistance, but then it hits me…yes you do. You allow me to ease my pain, **__**my **__**grief, and**__** the**__** fury I feel for what has happened to my life. You offer no answers to questions I pose, you offer no advice, but yet I feel comforted knowing my thoughts are inside you. So I thank you for keeping me sane.**_

"Hey Joss," she blinked, looking up from her journal entry as she was lounged back in her single mattress bed. Her heels dug into the bed, notebook on her knees that were drawn up as a makeshift desk. "Workout time." She flung the notebook and pen onto the nightstand beside her, throwing her legs over the edge of the bed and was gratified when there was no weakness in her legs this time.

"Thought you'd never come, Curtis," she said with a tight smile, already dressed for their session. She didn't blame Curtis, her physical therapist. He was just doing his job, while she felt caged like an animal. She tied her long dark hair into a tight ponytail, while they exited her room at the rehab center. She eyed her two armed guards with disdain.

"Hey, Joe and Eric are just trying to do their job."

"I never asked for this." Joss countered.

"No, no you didn't, but the FBI put you under witness protection for your safety. You nearly died, Joss."

"I don't need to be reminded." Her tone was ice, suggesting to Curtis to find a new line of conversation because this one was upsetting her. Simmons shot John twice-she didn't even know if he was alive, and she took one in the chest. She woke up with a damned tube down her throat, she had thought she was going to choke on it, and a woman doctor with long raven hair rushed in to relax her then took out the tube. She wasn't filled in until a little bit later that it had been a endotracheal tube necessary while she was on a ventilator, that she had been in a coma for a week, and they weren't sure if she was going to make it.

Pain rocketed up her spine as she thought about John. What if he bled to death on that stupid sidewalk? She would never forgive herself, never. But if he did survive-he didn't know she had, knowing John, he wouldn't heed her advice of not letting her death change him. That night was foggy, she didn't know if she even got the words out to him or not, she had been prepared to die, but here she was alive, but imprisoned.

"You okay? Dr. MacDonald said you resisted a therapist to talk about what happened. If you want to change your mind, I can let Dr. Mac know."

"No, I don't need to tell some stranger my problems," Joss assured him, turning to see Idiot number 1 and Idiot number 2 walking behind her. Normally FBI agents didn't bother her, but these two did because they were keeping her from people she loved. Then there was Agent Moss who had her life in his hands and wouldn't listen to her that she didn't need witness protection.

"How about a friend?" He asked gently nudging her with his shoulder as they walked down the long corridor to the physical therapy room.

"I would talk to a friend if I had any here with me." Her sharp remark landed, Curtis's face shadowed with anger, before it was gone. But he remained as she wanted…silent. They entered the physical therapy room, it was just another large and bland room, but with a bunch of exercise equipment meant to help rehabilitate people. "Look, Curtis, it's nothing against you I just don't want to talk to anyone about it, okay?"

"Let's warm up," he said without actually commenting on her attempt to halfway apologize for her smart remark. She shrugged, fine with her. They stood opposite one another, he began the warm up exercises and she followed, breathing in and out as slowly as he did. His voice droned on, while she warmed up her mind flitted away to the past.

"_You changed my mind, Joss."_ John's voice was soft and shaky, almost as shaky as the hand that gripped her cheek. His eyes were on her mouth, his lips descended towards hers so slowly as if allowing her a chance to shift or to stop him. She did neither. She welcomed his kiss, oddly thinking to herself that she was about to kiss her best friend, but at the same time she couldn't fathom not being kissed by John. When his lips finally touched her's she was shocked. They had been so warm and soft, the light touch wasn't harder than a butterfly's would, but it rocked her. Her eyes slid shut to hide the feelings that she felt aroused in those few brief seconds. An explosion had erupted behind her lids, a kaleidoscope of colors, all more breathtaking than the previous, and she so wanted him to deepen the kiss, kiss her like a woman, and she wanted it to never end. But he pulled back and reality crash landed upon her. John-her best friend-kissed her and she thoroughly liked it, craved it, and wanted to experience it again. Her eyes searched his, searching to see if he felt the same spark she had.

"_You changed me,"_ and like that she knew he felt it too. That spark, that 'whatever this was' flickered between them, growing bigger, crackling into flames threatening to envelope them both thanks to that soft kiss. She knew it would boil over if they ever came face to face again. She prayed they would.

Joss was jostled out of her reverie when she felt a particularly sharp pain in her side. She had been so lost in her thoughts she hadn't realized she was over stretching. So she shoved John, her feelings for him, and her memories out of her mind to concentrate on training. She was going to get the hell out of this rehab center and reclaim her life, if it was the last thing she did.

"Your session is over," Curtis said while she breathed raggedly. Her body didn't hurt so badly, she had gotten all of her muscle mass back, and she put back on much of the weight she had lost. "I think you have another one or two sessions and you will be good as new, Joss." She smiled a real genuine smile. She worked her tush off to hear those words. She used her anger to fuel her determination to get better faster, it seemed to have worked.

"That's good."

"Real good, I'll go let your doctor know."

"Thanks, Curtis!" she wrapped her arms around his neck, he patted her back soothingly.

"I know you hate it here and want to get back to your son. But I do think of you as a friend and I'm happy for you." Joss pulled out of his arms. She nodded her head and they walked out of the physical therapy room together, side by side, and moved back towards her room while her security detail made their way behind them once more. She entered her room, Joe and Eric positioned themselves at her door, like normal. Joss needed a shower, then, maybe she'd finish her final journal entry. But first she was going to sit and relax for a minute, bask in the good news that she received.

She had just sat down on the edge of the bed when she heard a noise, then Joe was on the floor, followed by another noise, and Eric hit the ground next. A woman walked in, a woman she recognized immediately.

"You!"

"Hello, Joss, Lurch is going to be so happy to know you're alive." The woman that had once upon a time kidnapped Finch spoke. Joss had no idea how the hell Root knew where she was.

"John's alive?" she demanded needing to know. But instead of answering her, Root held out a bag.

"There's a change of clothes, Joss; you need to change and come with me."

"Not until you tell me John's alright."

"John's alive, 'alright,' now I can't assure you of that. Please hurry, security has already been called." She didn't need to be told twice. Joss immediately flung off her top and bottoms, not being shy in front of Root; yanking on the jeans and t-shirt she had been given. Root handed her sunglasses, a baseball cap, and a jacket. "Hurry, put these on too." She quickly did as she was told, Root grabbed her arm, and they rushed out of her room. They stepped over Eric's limp form on the ground as they rounded the side corridor. "_She_ says to stay put," Root yanked her into a room. Joss didn't say anything while they waited. It was about five minutes of them just quietly breathing together before Root tugged on her arm, and they exited. "Keep your head down, Joss, there are two agents heading up the steps of the side entrance."

Joss lowered her head as they walked together towards the exit as two men hurried inside. They brushed past them, as they rushed by. Once they were in the clear they hurried outside, ran down the five steps, and casually walked away from the rehab center.

"I hope you have a getaway car."

"I do, Joss." Root smiled at her as she led her down a couple blocks away from the rehab center, before they came up to a black sedan. "Hop in."

She entered the car, sat while waiting for Root to do the same. When the woman did, she made no effort to explain anything further to her, just turned the car on. "So, care to explain why you just nabbed me from the watchful eye of the FBI?" Joss asked.

"Open the glove compartment."

"Why?"

"Detective, please." Joss sighed, doing as requested, looking in the compartment, and her brows rose in surprise. "_She_ told me to get a bag for you." In the glove compartment was a bag of M&amp;Ms. She hadn't had any candy in a long time, she greedily took it, ripping the bag open and grabbed a couple.

"Who's the friend with good taste?" she asked as she munched on the treat she wasn't expecting to get.

"You know who _she_ is."

"I'm not in the mood for mind games, Root, especially from you, a woman that I helped John rescue Harold from. So again I ask who is she?"

"Harry calls _her_ the machine, Shaw calls _her_ it, and you called _her_ the super computer." Joss just eyed the woman's profile. "_She_ answers to all of them, _she_ has the relationships that everyone wants with _her_, but mine's just different than theirs."

"What about John, what type of relationship does he have with this super computer?" she asked, letting curiosity get the better of her. If she had to take a stab in the dark she'd say this super computer or machine that Harold called it, was an artificial intelligence that they received their information from. She needed more information and this woman was going to give it to her.

"_She_ misses him," Root said with a strange look on her face.

"What do you mean, I thought you said he was alright?" her breath hitched in her throat. This woman lied to her, John was dead wasn't he?

"Calm down, detective, Lurch isn't dead. I said he was alive, I didn't say he was alright. There's a fundamental difference, detective."

"Well, explain it to me then. What's wrong with John?"

"You died and he failed to save you, simple as that."

"It wasn't his fault."

"Or _hers_, but John doesn't want to hear that. John blames _her_, views _her_ as a betrayer. _She_ misses him, worries about him, and wishes he would forgive _her_."

"Okay, I think I just walked out of the rehab center and into the Twilight Zone," Joss grumbled to herself.

"We need your help."

"No, not until you answer some questions."

Root smiled a little, before making a sweeping gesture with her arm. "Ask away."

"How long have you known I was alive?"

"_She_ enjoys being mysterious _she _just told me a few days ago, when _she_ told me where I was going and doing."

"Did _it_ know? Did _it_ know I was alive?"

"Yes,"

"Why didn't _it_ give John or Harold some way of knowing I was alive?"

"It's not the relationship they wanted with _her_."

"Cut the BS, Root, why didn't _she_ tell them?!" her anger that she worked hard on bottling up, started boiling over. Root parked the car on the curbside, shifting to look at her.

"I don't know _she_ won't tell me." Root said quietly. Their eyes on one another, she searched for any clues that this woman was lying to her and she couldn't see any. Root really didn't know why the machine didn't let John or Harold know she was really alive.

"How's John doing now?" she whispered feeling overwhelmed right at the moment.

"Better,"

"Better? What does that mean?"

"After you died in his arms, John got hungry for revenge, and he took on an entire fleet of U.S. Marshals guarding Alonzo Quinn to find Simmons."

"He did what!"

"All the while suffering from his own life threatening gunshot wounds."

"Oh my god,"

"He nearly bled out, but Shaw and Harold got to him in time." Root assured and she felt a little less queasy. "Then he quit the team, up and left without a word." And like that her calm was gone.

"What? Where is he?"

"He left for a while, he ran to Colorado then came back to New York with Lionel to help Finch, then tried running again but this time to Istanbul. He didn't want to forgive _her_ and Finch for what happened to you. It was mainly _her_ he was angry with, it just boiled over onto Harold. But _she_ was crafty." Root smiled.

"Crafty?"

"_She_ wasn't letting John run from his pain, _she_ saw what it did to him the first time, so _she_ forced him to work a case and he did."

"Is he back working with them?"

"Yes, Shaw and Finch are watching him, he's has a bit of suicidal tendencies right now, but they and _she_ won't let him get hurt." Root explained. "Here, this should help." Joss pulled her gaze from staring straight ahead out the windshield lost in thoughts of the tall, dark, and brooding man back towards Root. She was handing her a manila folder.

"What's this?"

"Open it."

Joss eyed her suspiciously before doing so, looking down, and tears welled up in her eyes. Her son's smiling face greeted her, he was okay, and he was doing well even though she knew he missed her. She rubbed a finger across his face, before flipping past seeing more photos some of him with friends, a couple with Paul, then some paperwork. It was his SAT scores, and then it got puzzling. "What's this?"

"A trust fund put in your son's name, so he doesn't have to worry about college."

"No, there is too much money in it!"

"Harold wanted to make sure he was set." A tear escaped even as she rabidly blinked her eyes to stop it. She leafed through more, pausing. Her breath caught, she turned her head to look away immediately, and she was unable to smother a sob that escaped her. Root didn't say a word, just looked at what she was looking at. "I took those photographs at _her_ insistence _she_ didn't mean to upset you, Joss." Joss just cupped a hand over her mouth, desperately trying to reign in her emotions as she pressed the file to her chest over her heart.

After she took a calming breath, she pulled the manila folder down, looking down at the photos again. Her heart bled as she eyed John. He was wearing his long wool coat, buttoned up against the apparent cold winter, and he was kneeled down over her grave with eyes shut. He looked pained in the photo. The next few were of him placing a single rose on her grave. Fresh tears welled up when she hit the last of the photographs. She traced his face. "Thank you for these, of my son and John, I appreciate them." She finally managed.

"This was the first time he went to your grave." Root offered. "When they buried you, he had been wounded, then he tried running, and since he has come back to New York had been trying to stop Vigilance and Decima." Her eyes bore into the photograph of John's tear streaked face, closed eyes, and lips touching her tombstone right over her name Jocelyn that was etched in the marble.

"I'll have some choice words when I see him again, I told him to not let it change him."

"Joss we need your help." Root steered the conversation back to what she needed from her.

"I'll do anything to get back to my son and John."

"There's a big storm brewing, _she's_ in trouble, and _she's_ scared not just for _herself_ but for all of us including John." Joss forced her gaze off the photograph, sliding the manila folder shut, and shut off her emotions.

"What do you need, anything, I'll do whatever it takes to protect the people I care about."

"I'm glad you said it like that, because you're a ghost you'll be a huge help for _her_." Root smiled. "We have been tasked with the relevant numbers."

"Wait…what?!" Relevant numbers? What the hell does that mean? "You're going to have to be more specific Root, I don't know much about your special friend."

"Harold had _her_ separate the acts of violent crimes into two lists; relevant and irrelevant. Relevant crimes are mass massacres, terrorist plots, which were tasked to the government to stop. Irrelevant crimes are premeditated acts of violence of just everyday people, which those are tasked to Harold. Since the government shut _her_ down _she_ had to re-task the relevant numbers to me…temporarily."

"Why did the government shut _her-it_ down?"

"Because the privacy terrorist group Vigilance leaked documents proving the existence of _her_ or as the government calls _her_; Northern Lights. So congress forced the termination of receiving the relevant numbers. And I need your help with those numbers."

"The relevant numbers?"

"Yes, because not only do we have the relevant list to contend with but we need to try to stop Samaritan."

"Samaritan?"

"It's another artificial intelligence that is faster than _her_. _She_ won't be able to keep up, Samaritan has fallen into the wrong hands…Decima's hands."

"Decima…John vaguely mentioned them."

"They are a technology group that has wanted to get their hands on _her_, now they have their own god, and we need to stop _him_ from coming online!"

"Okay…I could do without the pronouns." Joss sighed. "What do you need me to do with Samaritan; I'm not a computer hacker like you and Finch."

"Leave Samaritan to me, with you helping with the relevant numbers it will leave me a little bit more time to finish gathering our army, and trying to figure out what to do about Samaritan."

"I'm in but only if you promise I get to see Taylor and John."

"Taylor yes, John no." Root said.

"Why?"

"_She_ says it's too risky right now, _she_ asks you to wait a while until we aren't tasked with the relevant list any longer before you see John."

"But after that, after I help stop the relevant numbers and after the government gets the numbers again then I can see him."

"Yes."

"I'm holding you to that." She held out her hand for them to shake on it, which Root ignored to instead turn the car back on, and drove away from the curb. "Where are we going?"

"Get some early dinner then you are going to be on a plane heading for Washington D.C."

* * *

AN: I want to apologize if I have the months wrong for the show. I'm not sure when in the show they were tasked with the relevant numbers, so I chose March I hope I'm close. But I apologize in advance if I screwed up the timeline there. I know you guys have been patient in waiting so here's a teaser for the next chapter:

**JCgurl42xo: I was lonely.**

**She felt sad as she eyed her words on the screen while she waited for his reply. She was lonely and this was the only way she could be in his life without risking it.**

**Blueeyeguy007: Me too. I lost a woman I cared for very much back in November. You are the first woman to interest me since her.**

Yep, that's a pretty good teaser of John and Joss talking. There is a lot more. I might post Sooner or Later fast and furious since I have all the chapters already loaded into my doc manager thingy. But I don't want to promise it because everytime I think I have some time to myself I get busy :( So thank you for being patient there will be an update FINALLY for Careese Themes either later tonight or tomorrow for sure.


	3. Chapter 3

Present Day

Joss grimaced softly, sitting in her bathroom, as she slowly worked her arm up to work her baggy bed-shirt on, sucking in a breath as it hurt. Her shoulder got dislocated and she had to pop it back in place due to some idiot that was going to double cross his sidekick in a crash and grab theft deal. The guy had rammed her like some damned linebacker. But never bring a knife to a gunfight, it just never worked out.

She exited her small bathroom, moving gingerly into her bedroom. It had been not a good day, in the morning she had gotten a few blisters on the bottom of her feet thanks to the five mile jog she took to follow John. She had no idea how out of shape she truly was until she realized she was sweating and out of breath after the second mile. John didn't even pant after the fifth, but almost as if he subconsciously took pity on her body, he stopped. But she couldn't even say being out of breath was all due to not having jogged for so long, it quite possibly could have been from watching John jog from behind. His white muscle shirt clung to his torso, wet from sweat, and his hair glistened from the run. She nearly took a header as she focused her gaze on those tiny black running shorts that curved to his butt with each movement. She was going to go jogging with John more, not only was it a great workout, but it offered a view that couldn't be rivaled.

But her day had gotten worse thanks to Root calling her up with a new number to work which she hurried to figure out since she had a date with John tonight. They had been corresponding on that dating website for over two weeks now and she was anticipating their next session. But now her shoulder was killing her, she took some aspirin and she hoped like hell she'd be able to stay up till whenever he wanted to. They had talked twice since Root came up with this idea, each time John had tried to figure out who she was but she threw him curveball after curveball. Outfoxing John was fun if she was honest with herself, but more so talking to him was the best. She couldn't believe how much she enjoyed their war on the site. He would throw something out, she would combat it, he would try to wiggle out any info to figure her out, and she stepped up her flirting.

She sat on her bed, turning her computer on, and leaned back a little.

Had someone told her a month ago that she'd be flirting with John on a dating website while they both had to pretend to be something they weren't; she'd say they were damned liars. But here she was, Jaycee, the mysterious woman he was corresponding with, flirting her heart out with him, and he was responding in kind. But they weren't totally pretending, because things she told him about herself, about how she longed for certain people back in her life were true. John figured it was a family member; while it was true she longed for her baby boy, she longed for John, and her friends as well. But she didn't bother correcting him, because she couldn't. But John had reciprocated to her honesty and told her he missed people in his life too. It was a way they could give voice to their feelings, an outlet so to speak, and she was going to do her damnedest at getting John to relax enough to tell Jaycee everything.

She logged onto the website, grinning ear to ear when she saw he was already on and waiting for her.

JCgurl42xo: Hi sexy.

Blueeyeguy007: Hi Jaycee, I've been waiting for you.

Joss sighed ignoring the aches and pangs she had. She wiggled until she got into a comfortable position before typing.

JCgurl42xo: I've been waiting all day to talk to you, John.

She had been flip-flopping on whether to coyly tease him about waiting around for her, or be honest and tell him she was longing to talk to him too. Joss had chosen to tell him the truth. She silently wondered what John was wearing, which made her relaxed state go straight to hell. But before she let John answer her reply she further typed to him.

JCgurl42xo: So I've been meaning to ask you John, what is a hot guy like yourself doing on this dating website? I'm sure you have women lining up and down the block to go out with you.

She hit ENTER with a large grin on her face. Not only did she remind him she got to see what he looked like while he was stuck imagining, but she got a chance to see him try to deflect. Their internet battle was nearly as fun as their face to face banter.

Blueeyeguy007: I'll answer your question Jaycee if you promise to post a picture.

She snorted as she immediately replied.

JCgurl42xo: Blackmailing is unattractive John.

She smacked ENTER with a smirk, seconds ticked by before her computer chirped.

Blueeyeguy007: Can't blame a guy for trying, Jaycee.

JCgurl42xo: I'm shy, John, you know that.

She grinned as she sat back getting comfortable once more. This was getting downright interesting. John was trying his damnedest at getting her to reveal something.

JCgurl42xo: Okay, John, since I do have a picture and you don't, how about I answer why I'm on here and then you can answer my question. Is that fair?

Blueeyeguy007: Alright, Jaycee, what are you doing on the website?

She grinned knowing he had gotten something he was hoping for, a chance to learn something about the mysterious Jaycee he had been asked to figure out. She giggled to herself.

JCgurl42xo: I was lonely.

She felt sad as she eyed her words on the screen while she waited for his reply. She was lonely and this was the only way she could be in his life without risking it.

Blueeyeguy007: Me too. I lost a woman I cared for very much back in November. You are the first woman to interest me since her.

Joss sat staring at her screen. The blue bubble with his words, were making her heart beat at a thundering rate. She worked her jaw, her fingers trembled over the keyboard.

JCgurl42xo: You two break up?

She forced herself to type it while she swallowed hard. It took a few minutes before he wrote back.

Blueeyeguy007: She was killed.

JCgurl42xo: I'm sorry, John.

Blueeyeguy007: Me too, she was perfect. She was fierce but compassionate, strong but vulnerable, hard but fair, and most of all she was beautiful from the inside out. There wasn't anything fake about Joss, she made me a better man.

Joss felt tears burn at the backs of her eyes reading what he wrote.

JCgurl42xo: She sounds a little hard to compete with, John. Were you two engaged?

It was killing her to pretend, but half of her was happy he didn't know she was alive. If he knew she was alive, she was unsure if he would let her know how he truly felt, and she was getting a glimpse into what he felt for her. She had a feeling John was telling Jaycee to not expect too much from him, which meant he hadn't figured out the ruse, at least not yet.

Blueeyeguy007: No, she was a really good friend.

Joss's heart sunk at the words she read.

JCgurl42xo: Seriously? You two were just friends? Sounds like there was more to it than that.

She waited for a while as if he was debating on what to say or he was getting suspicious that they were still talking about his feelings for a 'dead' woman.

Blueeyeguy007: I had feelings for her but it was unrequited on her side. Joss never viewed me as anything other than a friend and I wasn't going to lose her because I wanted more.

Joss's eyes widened. So his kiss in the morgue had been more than just wanting to connect with her because of their predicament. She had been so scared to hope.

JCgurl42xo: Were you in love with her?

She didn't think, she just typed and hit ENTER, because half of her was scared to know his answer. Joss just hoped like hell she hadn't pushed this thing too far, because talking about a dead woman, talking about a former woman in his life didn't typically happen when you tried to start something up with a new woman. But it didn't matter, she needed to know. Her heart stopped beating while she waited for his response. If he said no, then when she did reenter his life, she knew what capacity he wanted her in; friendship, love, or whatever.

Blueeyeguy007: Yes, I loved her.

Joss lost the battle over her tears remaining unshed because a few leaked out. But they weren't sad tears but rather happy ones. John loved her. It felt so good to know, she wished she could tell him it back, but his life was more important than her expressing to him that she loved him a million times over. She heard the ding to signify her to know that he messaged more.

Blueeyeguy007: You know Jaycee you remind me of someone.

Joss paused as she read his second reply. Uh-oh, did she go too far with her questions.

JCgurl42xo: Oh Yeah? Who?

Blueeyeguy007: The woman I told you about, you remind me a little of her.

Joss swallowed hard, she had to tread carefully here. John was getting too close to the truth and if she continued she might give herself away.

JCgurl42xo: I take that as a compliment then.

She waited for his response, when she got none, she wondered if he was suspicious. So she forged ahead.

JCgurl42xo: Well, sexy, I answered your question as to why I'm on here. Now it's your turn.

Blueeyeguy007: Actually I already answered it. My friend wanted me to connect with people because I was having a hard time getting over Joss, and my friend said that I might meet interesting people. And she was right, because you're very interesting Jaycee and a tad bit frustrating too.

Joss laughed. Of course he would be frustrated, he couldn't get any info from her.

JCgurl42xo: Me…frustrating, never. You enjoy the chase, John.

Blueeyeguy007: Give me something Jaycee, please.

JCgurl42xo: Alright John I'll give you one question and then I have to go.

She waited for a few minutes, and when she didn't receive a response she wrote further.

JCgurl42xo: Cat got your tongue, John?

Blueeyeguy007: No just thinking of which question I want to ask first, Jaycee. You're not exactly the easiest woman to get to know.

JCgurl42xo: I think that you are enjoying yourself John. I interest you and you don't meet many women that can keep you on your toes.

Joss hit ENTER with a smirk. John could try to play but he didn't realize it was her and she knew him from the inside out. Finally he responded, but not to her latest reply.

Blueeyeguy007: Being that I can't have a photo, tell me three things to describe yourself that isn't in your bio, Jaycee.

She cocked a brow. Hmmmm, John was being secretive himself. Three things to describe herself, huh? She wondered if these three things he was hoping she say would reveal something that would help him figure out who she was. So she decided to throw him a bone.

JCgurl42xo: I'm strong willed I have had my fair share of tragedies but I keep coming out swinging. I'm divorced and I have a teenage son.

Joss paused as she tried to figure out what to write as her third thing to describe herself. She gave him two that would whet his appetite for more, plus keep him intrigued to pursue this little game they were playing. But she wanted her third thing something to throw him off, something that would tease him as she was teased tonight. Learning John was in love with her, meant the world to her, but also made staying away from him that much harder.

JCgurl42xo: I haven't had sex in over a year.

She didn't give herself a chance to think twice of her last tidbit before she smacked the ENTER button. She wanted to surprise him and she hoped like hell she had.

* * *

John choked on his beer as he eyed the screen. Jaycee hadn't had sex in a year. Why that satisfied him was beyond him, he needed to seek therapy because he actually liked this mysterious Jaycee. He hadn't been lying when he told her she reminded him of Joss. The way she had bombarded him with question after question had reminded him of his lovely detective. Joss was an interrogator in the army and a damned good one, and she had a hard time shutting that side of her down. She would ask question after question not waiting for an answer and not give up on getting them either. Jaycee seemed to be just like that.

John forced himself to recover from her sexy tidbit. He didn't even know how to respond to it. But thankfully Jaycee wrote another reply.

JCgurl42xo: Does that help paint a picture of little ole' me?

Jaycee added a wink-y face which he sighed. When Root had given him this assignment he had figured that Jaycee would flirt with him, but he hadn't been fully prepared for enjoying it. Jaycee was right he enjoyed talking to her, enjoyed the chase, and she did keep him on his toes. He hadn't met a woman like that since Joss. And damn it, he wanted to meet her and not because the machine wanted him too but because he wanted to see her and meet her in person. He knew she wouldn't be like Joss no one could ever be like her. She was one of a kind and the world sorely missed her, but much more he sorely missed her.

John forced his thoughts on Jaycee rather than thinking about Joss. Not for the first time did his thoughts flicker to Joss while speaking to Jaycee and it was getting a bit disconcerting now.

Blueeyeguy007: Yes

He knew it was a lame answer but he couldn't think of anything flirty to say in return.

JCgurl42xo: I hate this but I have to go now, John.

Blueeyeguy007: That's alright Jaycee, I look forward to our next conversation.

JCgurl42xo: Me too. Goodnight, have sweet dreams about me, John.

John wrote back to her 'goodnight' and waited until she logged off the thread to log off himself. The other women he ignored as he shut down his laptop. He slid from the bed, throwing back the last of his beer. He didn't know why he told Jaycee about loving Joss. He hadn't been going to say much of anything to her other than being lonely. But for some reason his fingers had a mind of their own, typing out what he didn't want to reveal.

But he didn't think that Jaycee was a threat. The machine was wrong, it wouldn't be the first time. John pulled his cell phone out and found Root's number. He immediately clicked her number and waited as the phone rang.

"Hello, John." She greeted.

"I think your need for me to be on that dating website is off." He said, if Samaritan was listening in it wouldn't know what he truly meant.

"Why you were lonely John, I'm sure you met some interesting women…or woman."

"I have but I'm not…interested, Hannah. She's not what _I_ thought and there's no reason for me to be on there." He stated. The machine was wrong. There was nothing going on with that Jaycee she wasn't a potential problem. She seemed like a woman that was lonely and legitimately looking to meet a guy.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah I think you got it wrong." He said before he hung up on her. He was tired and irritable. Tomorrow he had work, and he was going to concentrate on that, rather than Jaycee and the connection he felt to her that upset him.

* * *

"Hello," Joss snapped into the phone. She was angry that Root was calling her, she had been busy. Busy, daydreaming of John. "What do you want?" she demanded as it had been getting to the good part.

"What happened, Joss?"

"Excuse me?"

"John called me to tell me there is no reason he needs to speak with Jaycee that she's not a problem. He thinks _she_ is wrong, I thought you were going to speak with him and keep him intrigued to continue the ruse?"

"Wait, what? He wants to stop speaking to Jaycee?"

"Yeah, what happened?" Root questioned. And Joss had a vague idea. John said that Jaycee reminded him of Joss because he had no idea that they were the same woman, and if she figured right, John was upset that he found Jaycee interesting.

"I think I might have made a mistake." She admitted.

"Did you tell him the truth?"

"No, John told me that Jaycee reminded him of me, and I think John is resistant to any woman interesting him besides me…or supposed dead me." She said giving herself a headache.

"Because he told you he loved you."

"How do you know about that?"

"_She_ just checked into your thread." Joss exhaled hating that the machine could look into something as private as what they shared…or as private as two people talking on the internet could be. "You are on your own with fixing this Joss, I gave you an avenue to speak to him I never said I would be able to keep him on there."

"Thanks for trying Root. But John is too intelligent he's already getting suspicious, he already thinks that Jaycee reminds him of me, and I can't be anything but myself with him. It's getting tiring pretending anyways, I'm so tired of it." She admitted.

"Wait…" Root said and Joss rolled her eyes. Most likely Root was receiving some intel from the machine right about now. "_She_ suggests for you to show yourself." That surprised her.

"Wait are you saying what I think you're saying?" Joss questioned. Being they were on cell phones, Samaritan could track and listen in on the audio if it so chose. But she needed Root to confirm what she thought she was hearing. Because to her it sounded like Root and the machine was giving her the green light to come back to the living in the eyes of the world. She could be back with her son and seek out John? She wouldn't have to worry about her identity being found out because she could oust herself!

"Yes, I am, but I ask of you not jump into a date too quickly, not until things die down." Root spoke. Joss knew what she meant though. Root was asking her not to go to John until the hype about Jocelyn Carter really being alive died down, for fear of his alias being ousted.

"I won't. Can you have Harold tell John something for me?"

"Sure, Joss."

"Have Harold tell John, I'll be seeing him soon, and that he has my word we'll be seeing one another again when the hype is over. He'll listen,"

"John has been having a hard time Joss."

"He'll listen to this, R-Hannah, I guarantee it."

"Alright, I have to go. I look forward to seeing you again, Jocelyn." 

* * *

AN: So finally a new conversation between John and Joss and I know you guys have been patiently waiting for this. Poor John, talking to Jaycee and liking her, and then feeling like he's cheating on Joss's memory by liking Jaycee who really is Joss. But here is the teaser for next chapter:

**She smiled when she saw Fusco. She couldn't wait to see his face.**

**"Hey Lionel," his head snapped up and stared in shock.**

**"C-C-Carter?" he stammered and like that she saw his eyes mist over, a smile bigger than the Grand Canyon greet his face, and he was on his feet barreling towards her.**

Okay so I had to choose when Joss and Lionel come face to face as the teaser because I loved their friendship on the show. Thanks for reading and you guys have to be a little bit more patient for Reese and Carter to come face to face :)


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: Happy birthday APFW! Here's some separated Careese for you ;D**

* * *

Joss felt nervous, as she slid from the taxi and eyed the 8th precinct. It was like coming home but not sure of her welcome. She swallowed hard, knowing once she stepped into the precinct there was no going back. But going back wasn't an option, she didn't want to be a ghost anymore. Joss squared her shoulders, took the steps of the precinct slowly, and entered. No one paid her much attention so far, most that she ran into were new faces, until Detective Kane appeared.

"CARTER!" Joss lifted her eyes and smiled. He was a nice detective, a friend, and one of the good guys. He hurried over to her, his eyes wide, and he looked like he saw a ghost. "You're alive?!"

"Yeah, the captain is waiting for me." She greeted as he pulled her into a hug. She didn't realize he would miss her.

"How…when, why?"

"How, I was saved and was placed in police protection by the FBI. I'm sure they are here already." Kane nodded his head absently. "When, well you know when, and why I just thank god for why." She murmured as they walked together. "The captain said he was going to keep it on the DL until he could speak with me." She said as she entered the bullpen. A few detectives looked up but not many. She smiled when she saw Fusco. She couldn't wait to see his face.

"Hey Lionel," his head snapped up and stared in shock.

"C-C-Carter?" he stammered and like that she saw his eyes mist over, a smile bigger than the Grand Canyon greet his face, and he was on his feet barreling towards her. "I knew you were better than Simmons and wouldn't let him take you out." Fusco said gruffly as he gathered her into a big bear hug. And soon Joss was converged on by ninety percent of the precinct. It spread like wildfire that Jocelyn Carter wasn't dead but really alive, and faked her death well and good. Joss didn't realize how well she was liked until she was dragged into detectives arms whom she had figured only put up with her, but truly did like her. She fist-bumped several that weren't the hugging types, she gotten a few hearty hell yeahs' that she was alive.

She smiled as the interim captain the one placed there thanks to her bringing down HR was motioning for her to come in the office. She had to weave through the throng of her fellow comrades to make it to the office.

She sat down when she was motioned. She eyed Agent Moss. "I suppose you're wondering what happened to me these last few months."

"No, actually the director explained what had happened during the last few months." Agent Moss said with a smile. "I had no idea you were working in conjunction with undercover Special Agents trying to bring down another crime syndicate, but then again it was higher than my pay grade." Joss kept a cool look on her face as surprised rocked her internally.

"Yes well, they contacted me, and covertly removed me from police protection because they needed me to remain dead, and thanks to you guys I technically was." Joss had a vague idea who would be able to make up something like this and have supposed evidence to back it up.

"Well the 8th precinct is just relieved to know you are alive and well Detective Carter," Joss turned her eyes off of Agent Moss and to the interim captain.

"Thanks Captain Maddox."

"Interim, I was placed here by the FBI until we found a captain to replace me. I think we have." Maddox said warmly.

She was glad too because she wanted to get her job back. "Well I can't wait to meet him because I want my career back." Joss stated and the men chuckled.

"No detective we meant you,"

"Excuse me? Are you offering me the position of captain?" She questioned. She was sure she hadn't heard him right.

"Yes, you would be the right person for the job. It's only dependent on if you wish to take the position. I know it must be hard going from working undercover with Special Agents with the FBI to being a captain, but, you are qualified to run this precinct efficiently and productively. I think the crime rate will go down with you at the helm." Maddox spoke.

"I gave you a letter of recommendation," Agent Moss agreed. "The job is yours if you want it."

Joss had a feeling that the machine knew she was going to be offered the position and that was why it wanted her to now come back from the dead. But she couldn't even say she was upset because this was an opportunity of the lifetime. She had always dreamt of rising in the ranks, and wanting to be a captain or a FBI agent. When it became obvious she wasn't going to get to become a FBI agent due to her relationship with Cal, she had given up on ever being captain. Especially with what happened with HR nearly drop kicking her career in the toilet. But here she was getting something she always wanted.

"I want it."

Maddox held out his hand, which she took warmly and shook his hand appreciatively. "Welcome back, Captain Carter."

* * *

Fusco waited and waited until Carter finally exited the captain's office. Everyone was murmuring and talking about the fact that Detective Jocelyn Carter was in fact alive. He had been elated. He hadn't wanted to fully believe that she was gone thanks to Simmons, but with all the evidence leading to that theory, he was forced to think it. But he was glad his instinct was correct. He wanted to talk to her privately but knew that wasn't going to happen here at the precinct he was going to have to get her to go with him to a pub or something.

The door to the captain's office opened, and she exited it first. He breathed a sigh of relief that it wasn't a figment of his imagination, and she smiled at him as she searched him out. But she stood beside the door as Agent Moss and the interim captain exited. "Everyone can I please have your attention?" a hush fell over the precinct as the captain spoke. "I'm sure as you all have heard and seen that our very own Detective Jocelyn Carter is alive and safe. She was in police protection, then working deep undercover to bring down another major crime syndicate, details will be given in due time." Whoops and applause greeted that and Joss smiled softly.

"Thanks everyone, but don't celebrate me yet!" Joss called out. "Because I'm going to be a pain in your ass soon enough!" she reminded.

"Also as you know I'm the interim captain and was placed here for a limited timeframe until we found a captain that could take over and run this precinct the way it should. Well it's time to announce who your new captain is, and it's none other than Jocelyn Carter." Fusco's brows rose high in shock but then a smile filled his face as more applause rounded the precinct. "Alright, alright everyone get back to work we have a lot to do to make this great state safe!"

And like that the detectives, officers, clerks, all dispersed. Grins, happiness, and renewed sense of confidence filled the once depressing precinct. Fusco nearly waited in line to congratulate Joss on her promotion and being alive. Joss smiled once he was upon her.

"Hey Fusco," she greeted again.

"You're really alive, and you get a promotion. I wonder if I should fake my death to get one." He teased a little. "All joking aside I'm glad that you're alright, Carter, and you know who else will be happy our mutual friends."

"Yeah," she sighed thinking of seeing John after all this time. "But I can't see them, not right away, not until all the hype that will follow about me being alive. I'm to do a press conference in about an hour to tell the world that Joss Carter isn't dead."

"When can you explain the whole sordid ordeal with me?" Fusco questioned knowing that she probably wanted to see her son and just live her life again.

"How about my place because what I have to say needs to be private." she suggested.

"I'll take you up on that offer, hell I'll even bring the champagne." He offered and she smiled.

"That's a deal, Fusco."

* * *

John breathed evenly as he did push-ups. He closed down the account on the dating website that way no woman got the wrong impression, especially Jaycee. He sent her a thread that he hoped she would read. He apologized to her, told her that she was a nice woman and that she would meet the right guy, and he hoped for all the best for her. But he couldn't devote time on the dating website and he had to close down the account. And it had been a lie. He could devote the time, he just didn't want too. He didn't like the way Jaycee reminded him of Joss. Joss meant too much to him to be constantly reminded of her by contacting Jaycee.

His cell phone rang. He sighed. He hoped that was Root with a new number and a real case because the last one had ended badly and left him upset. "Hello," he greeted gruffly.

"Hello, John." Root greeted. "Turn your TV onto channel 7, please."

"Why?"

"Because you need to see something and after you do, you need to listen to me word for word." Root said quietly. And John smiled. Here it was, finally, he was working a new number, thank god he was so bored. John immediately moved quickly to his living room where his wall-mounted TV was. He turned it on and then turned it to channel 7 as he was asked too. All he saw was an empty podium.

"What am I supposed to be seeing?"

"Give it a minute, John." Root assured as if she knew what was going to happen, and most likely she did. Sure enough a man appeared, on the bottom of the screen it showed it was Captain Maddox of the 8th Precinct. He began speaking and John stiffened when he brought up Joss's name.

"Jocelyn Carter was a fine Homicide Detective, she was set up to take a fall for a shooting that was legitimate. She had worked tirelessly to bring down the crime organization HR down, effortlessly, and thanklessly. Jocelyn Carter was gunned down by Officer Patrick Simmons just after bringing in Alonzo Quinn as the head of HR. She had been on the sidewalk. As you all thought she died that night, due to her injuries she sustained."

"Why am I watching this?" he asked gruffly. He didn't want to be reminded of the events, he didn't want to be reminded of what he lost. Was this some sort of sick joke of Root's? Of the machine's?

"But Jocelyn Carter did not die that night," the captain spoke as flashing bulbs greeted that statement. John's breath stopped. He stared at the TV. "Jocelyn Carter was saved, placed in protective custody where she rehabilitated for months. Then without thinking of herself she was contacted by Special Agents of the FBI to help take down yet another major crime syndicate to make our streets safe, details of which syndicate and what happened will not be released at this time. Jocelyn Carter is a hero, and this precinct's newest anointed Captain."

"John?" Root whispered and he didn't respond. John watched as Joss walked out of the precinct, to the podium, and smiled at the reporters. Flashing of bulbs were greeting her eyes.

"It's been long months of rehab to get where I am today, a lot of determination to not let Simmons take my life from me." She started slowly. "But I knew that once I was on my feet again I would be back on the streets to make them safe. No criminal whether it's a fellow cop or not will keep me from my doing my job, protecting the innocent people of this great state, and doing what I love doing. I was contacted by Special Agents while I was recuperating and rehabilitating that they were in need of my assistance of bringing down another crime syndicate that I cannot divulge information on at this time. But when they contacted me I knew I had to help, that the people, my friends, my family were all counting on me. I just want to thank you, and I look forward to keeping these streets safe some more as the new captain. If you have any questions, I'm all ears." Joss spoke and she was bombarded with reporters all asking questions at once.

"John, are you there?" Root asked.

"Joss is alive." He whispered, immediately tearing his workout shirt off, rushing to the bedroom.

"Yes, but you can't go to her, John, it's not safe for you."

"I don't care I have to see her."

"Please, John, she told me to tell you that when it's safe you'll meet."

"You spoke with her?" he demanded as he fought his emotions. He wasn't about to let this woman know how much Joss meant to him. "When?"

"It's not important, what is, is that she knows the dangers we are all in. If you are found out not only will you be risking your life but the lives of Sameen and Harold." She reminded.

"I can't just sit here."

"John, you have too, just until the hype dies down. It should last about a week or two."

"That's too long."

"You can last another two weeks John, she's alive remember." Root reminded. "Please John it's not just your life you'd be risking, it would be hers as well." John closed his eyes as Root knew just where to hit him to get him to do what she wanted. He wouldn't do anything that would risk her life, even if that meant he would die instead.

"Two weeks?" he demanded with clenched teeth. "Two weeks is all I will wait and then I'm going to her whether you like it or not, _Hannah_."

"Thank you, Lurch." And with that she hung up on him, leaving him to stare at the TV long after the press conference was over.

* * *

AN: Thanks for reading XOXOXOXOX and no teasers for next chapter because well because which could be considered a teaser XD


	5. Chapter 5

_**AN: Happy birthday ReadtoRelax! Here's a very Careese-ish chapter for you ;D**_

* * *

Joss eyed herself in her mirror. Okay even she could tell she was all dolled up. But oh well, Root had called her to inform her that John was only giving the hoopla over her being alive to die down two weeks and he'll be here. Well today was two weeks to the day, and she knew John was counting down the days, as she was. But the hoopla over her didn't nearly take two weeks to go away, it took only a week, but Root had refused to inform John that out of fear it would dial back up. Joss was old news now, thankfully, a sex scandal rocked the mayor's office, so the feel good story wasn't nearly as good as a juicy sex scandal. And that was fine by her because she got John back.

Her son was ecstatic she was back, as was Fusco. He was a little disappointed that they weren't partners anymore but he liked that she was captain. She fell right back into things, she loved helping save people and the numbers, but she had to say it was good to be back being a cop. Doing things the legal way it felt good. Joss's phone buzzed as she pulled on a tight pantsuit. She picked it up and eyed it. She smiled. Root texted her the pub name, and when to meet. She had no doubt it was with Harold, Sameen, Fusco, and John. She could handle keeping her hands to herself until after seeing their friends. Besides she had to come clean about something, about something she was sure was going to upset John.

She could do this, go to work, wait and meet up with her friends, and then talk with John privately. They waited this long, what was another ten hours or so. God, this was going to be a long day. Joss turned and hurried down the stairs, deciding to get a coffee on the go, and maybe a pastry or something for breakfast as she was running late. Joss opened the door and nearly walked into a strong chest.

She stopped abruptly and so did John who was going to pick her lock. He stared at her. "Joss?" he whispered and she saw his blue eyes shine bright.

"John," she flung her arms around his neck, he first stiffened in her arms before he relaxed and immediately embraced her. His arms wrapped around her back, he held her so tightly, and she breathed him in. "I have been waiting so long to see you." She whispered, as she fought the waves of emotion she was being bombarded with. They stood together, holding one another for the longest time, neither one wanting to end the embrace.

"Me too, Joss, I never thought I'd see you, feel you, or speak to you again." He stepped back to peer into her eyes. "Do you have any idea what it's been like for me without you?"

"Probably the same way I felt being without you, John, like I was missing half of myself." She whispered.

"How?" a tear leaked out of his eye, and she lifted a hand up to touch his cheek. She never saw him so happy before; the lines that forever shadowed his face were gone, while his eyes were lit up like lights, and the soft smile he was giving her made her a bit breathless. "How did you survive, I felt for a pulse…" he trailed off as his hands subconsciously slid across her body, slowly dropping to hold her hands, and she didn't realize just how touchy John could be. She liked it.

"They brought me back John. It was a long recovery but I'm alright." She said before tugging him into her home. They had to talk privately without Samaritan's ears listening. "Turn your phone off." She demanded. He nodded immediately doing so, before taking the SIM card out, and she did the same thing. "About me going undercover is false, the machine made that up to protect what I was really doing."

"And what was that?"

"Helping Root with the relevant and irrelevant numbers."

"For how long?" Joss saw his happiness fade a little.

"Don't be mad at Root she didn't know I was alive until she was given her instructions to save me, and recruit me."

"But she has known since she recruited you, yet she said nothing."

"She couldn't John! Samaritan came online and she needed me dead. We both know that you would have come to me!" Joss stated. "All that matters is that I'm alive. Nothing else does, John, nothing." She commanded as she touched his cheek softly again. She could see him trying his hardest to swallow his anger, for her. He didn't achieve it but he masked it better.

"So you have been helping her with the numbers?"

"Yeah,"

"Why didn't you contact me?"

"Because it wasn't safe for you. You saw the kind of hoopla I had to deal with, if they found out I was really alive, and you were with me at the time your identity could have been found out John. I wasn't willing to risk your life or the lives of our friends, when I was just coming back into it. It was hell John. They forced me into police protection and I hated it there." She said. "I missed my son and you so much."

"I missed you too, you have no idea how much."

"Root told me that you nearly died to avenge my death, John I told you not to let it change you." She said getting angry about that. She almost never got this reunion because of his need to go avenge her death. He opened his mouth but she placed her index finger over his lips shushing him. "Don't, it's over with, but don't ever do that again. Promise me, you'll never do something like that again."

His blue eyes glittered slightly as they bore into hers. "You have my word," he replied gruffly.

"Thank you," she said sincerely. Joss wanted to tell John she loved him but she had to tell him the truth about something, and being that they were in private she should tell him now. "You're going to be at the pub tonight, right?" she asked procrastinating.

"Of course, we are celebrating you being back."

"Will you come back with me here?" she asked. John's eyes remained on hers.

"Only if you want me to come back here tonight."

"I want you too." She took his hand with hers. "John you realize that I don't want just your friendship and that when you come back with me here tonight that we are going to end up in my bed, right?"

"Yes," he agreed and he smiled softly. "And I don't want just your friendship either Joss." She stared at him and here was the perfect moment to tell him about her being Jaycee. She needed him to know, she didn't want any secrets between them, and even if he got angry she wanted him to know.

"I have to be honest with you about something," she whispered as tears welled up.

"You can tell me anything Joss." John assured as he leaned down to kiss her lips. The touch was soft and brief, leaving her breathless for more. His lips lingered and she knew he wanted to deepen it, but was strangling the urge. "I'm just grateful you're alive and safe." He said as he pushed back a little. The kiss made her want more. Confessing the truth had to come first, then more kissy-times after.

"What I have to tell you might make you upset with me."

"I doubt it Joss there is nothing you can say that will upset me."

"This will." She countered. "But I have to tell you. I know all about Samaritan because of Root, I know all about your cover and our friends' covers. I saw my son a couple months ago, just briefly, it was my condition of helping. I asked to see you and my son and I would help her. She took me to see my son."

"Why didn't she take you to see me?"

"You needed to concentrate on Samaritan, I didn't want your focus to not be fully on the mission, because it could have led to your death. So we agreed after I could stop working the relevant numbers I could go to you, but by then Samaritan came online and you were in your new life. And if I came back from the dead and somehow someone figured it out when I was with you your cover could have been blown, and I wasn't willing to risk your life just so I could see you again." She paused looking away. "So Root came up with an idea."

"Okay?"

"An idea to talk to you without your knowledge, so I can just speak to you again and keep you safe while doing so, John I would like you to meet JCgurl42xo aka Jaycee." Joss said and waited. She watched a mix of emotions run across his face before he masked them all.

"So you're Jaycee, you're the woman I was to find out more information about. You're the one that has been flirting with me, you're the one I told…."

"About myself and that you love me." She finished for him. He turned slightly and she saw hurt flicker across his features. Joss grabbed his hand. She could handle his anger, his hurt over what she did, that she couldn't. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you the truth, John, I was going to reveal myself to you but I couldn't your life means a lot to me, because I…"

"Joss, stop you don't owe me an explanation." But she shook her head, because he did deserve an explanation, he did deserve an apology, and damn it he was going to hear what she had been waiting for a long time to say.

"I love you, John." She stepped closer to him. "I couldn't tell you that as Jaycee, I couldn't tell you that you were right that Jaycee reminded you of me because I was her. I was so scared that I was going to do something that ousted your cover, can't you understand that? Can't you understand that the lengths that you would go to protect me, I would go for you? What about when you lured HR away from me when I was trapped in the morgue with Quinn? Huh? I was forced to let you go, I was forced to remain in that room, and pray to god that you would be safe. You would do anything to protect me, just as I will do anything to protect you."

He opened his mouth to either argue with her, or something, and she was tired of playing by the rules. She was tired of being selfless all the time, she wanted to be selfish this once. She stood up on her tip toes and took his lips. She pushed him up against her door, taking his lips passionately. Joss moved her lips on his, gently tempting him to open his mouth up. She grabbed his cheeks gently, feeling him hold her hips. John was responding to her kiss with urgency. She hungrily kissed him, her hands moving to grasp his shoulders crumpling his jacket in her fists. Their bodies pushed against one another's, their mouths desperate for more, and his tongue chased hers into her mouth. He tore his soft lips from hers. They stood there breathing raggedly, holding onto one another.

He broke the silence first. "I was wondering why I felt so connected to Jaycee, it was upsetting me because I hadn't felt that strong of connection since you. And I didn't want to feel it for anyone but you."

"I know I figured it out when you closed your account on that dating website and messaged Jaycee. I wanted to tell you but I didn't realize that Root and the machine were going to tell me I could come clean the next day. Had I, I would have told you right then and there. I would have told you the truth, John I never meant for this ruse to hurt you, it was because I was needy for you." She sniffed as she felt a harsh burning at the backs of her eyes. She blinked a few times, keeping them at bay.

They stood standing together for a while, he stared at her, and she had no idea if he was still upset or hurt over what happened or not. His face gave nothing away. He reached up and tucked some of her hair behind her ear. "You should get to work, Captain."

"I can't not when you are more important to me then work. I need to know if you can forgive me."

"Joss you don't need my forgiveness," he said. "Because if our roles were reversed I could see myself doing the same exact thing." She released the breath she hadn't realized she had been holding.

"You mean it?"

"Yes, Joss."

"John I lied to you,"

"Well," he looked down, as he caressed her hips. "You could make it up to me if you feel that badly about it." He suggested as he raised his gaze back up. She saw a mischievous glint in his eyes. She swallowed hard. This man was truly an amazing person. He suffered months of anguish, nearly died, had gone through hell with Samaritan, learned she lied to him by omission and yet he found what she did not even needing forgiveness. And John thought he wasn't a good man!

"Oh?!" she rubbed his shoulders a little. "How would you like me to make it up to you?" she teased.

"Hmmm, well, I'll figure it out." He gave her a brief but warm smile. "But as of right now I'm detaining you Captain, and I was called in to see Mrs. Lopez. I think she worries too much about me." He murmured.

"Well, you could always introduce me to her; let her know that you have a girlfriend now." She said with a smile.

"Oh so I have a girlfriend now, huh?" he teased.

"Yeah John Reyes…bartender, is dating Captain Jocelyn Carter. Doesn't roll off the tongue like vigilante in a suit dating a hot cop, but it works." She kissed his cheek before stepping back allowing him to open the door for them. She grabbed her phone replacing the SIM card back in, before handing him his, and he did the same.

"Yeah it does," John agreed.

"Tonight?"

"Tonight, Joss." John agreed with a smile and they released each other's hand as they went to their separate cars, and both were giddily anticipating the night. 

* * *

AN: Awwwwww they finally got to see one another. I apologize if you notice any errors I tweaked two paragraphs in here to make it gel more, which I did without consulting my much needed friend who proofs these things for me lol. So any errors in this chapter are all mine. And you should thank Elaine because this story was going to end here. But she advised me to write a more...satisfying ending };D so I did, but you guys have to wait for it because I just sent it to her, and she's on vacation, and she'll be proofing it while away. So no update for this for a little while until she gets back, so Elaine enjoy yourself on vacation. But I can give a small tidbit, John and Joss do go back to Joss's place XD

Thanks for reading everyone, and I hope you enjoyed it ReadtoRelax XOXOXOXOXOX


	6. Chapter 6

_**AN: So I mentioned in the previous chapter that this update would not be for a little while would have been correct had Elaine not messaged me with my chapter back while on vacation! Elaine you are such a wonderful friend to get me this back even on your vacay! But I thank you XOXOXOXOXOX. She advised me to write a warning, there is graphic smut upcoming :D So if you aren't into reading graphic sex scenes, then the bottom of this chapter is not for you! If you read up to Carter and Reese going upstairs you'll be okay but if you read on past that when they are in her bedroom then you have gone to far and might read something you don't want too lol. But before they head up those steps you should be fine because there is some sweetness before the sexy times :)**_

_**Okay thanks for reading my warning of sorts, hope you enjoy!**_

* * *

Thong on, check.

Shaved her legs, check.

Condoms, check.

Joss had mentally gone through the mini little checklist as she sat in her car, fussing with her hair, and checking her makeup for the millionth time. Wearing a thong to work today hadn't been the most practical idea she ever had but she wanted to make sure she was ready just in case. She had been hoping to bring John home with her after meeting with their friends, then talk to him privately, sharing a nightcap together, and then hopefully lead him up to her bedroom where their night could extend to an all-nighter. It had been her hope. But now it was a reality and had come in handy since John had shown up at her place this morning, agreeing to swing by her place tonight after drinks with their friends. She was ecstatic. Thank god she bought that big box of condoms a few days ago; that was an added bonus because she didn't need to rush out to the pharmacy today. John wasn't exactly a ladies man, she doubted he had a condom in his wallet.

She giggled to herself. Then scowled, because she just giggled, like a damned teenager. "I'm such a girl!" she grumbled to herself as she exited her car. Joss entered the pub, seeing in the back Root and Shaw were already seated. But there was no sign of the men folk. Well damn it! She was going to saunter over there in her sexy dress, mindful of John's eyes on her. Instead she stormed her way over to the table. "Where's John?"

"Don't get your panties in a twist, Joss, he's coming," Root grinned.

Shaw snorted. "More like he'll be coming later," she added with a wink. Joss rolled her eyes, not caring if these two former sociopaths figured out her intentions with John or not. All she wanted was John around. "Us women kick ass anyways, men are only needed for one thing, sex."

"And heavy lifting," Root added with a flirty sip of her drink.

Joss slid into a chair beside Root, as a waitress headed over. "A Cosmopolitan," Joss ordered. She impatiently waited for him to come and once his beautiful face appeared in the doorway she smiled. Shaw made a face at her.

"You two are making creepy ga-ga looks at one another," Shaw murmured.

"Do me a favor, Shaw, and shut it!" she sighed, not taking her eyes off the man. He sauntered his way over like a big elegant cat. "Scoot over," she shoved on Root who smiled as she moved her chair as requested. John slid beside her. "Hi," she whispered feeling giggly. She inhaled his scent, it was a mixture of his cologne, natural scent, and aftershave. It was heady and intoxicating.

"Hi," he whispered back. She clasped her hands together under her chin, staring at him, feeling his warmth as her thigh 'accidentally' brushed against his. She closed her eyes, wanting to moan in sweet torture, and wishing like hell they were alone together.

Root yelped and Joss jerked her eyes open to look at Shaw and Root. She felt Root kick Shaw back. She glared at them both, Shaw mouthed something at her, before Finch and Fusco took their seats. John ordered a beer, Lionel ordered a club soda, and Finch ordered a ginger ale. Once all their drinks were given, they all held them up.

"A toast to finally having our bad ass, fucking amazing, kicking ass then taking names…" Shaw began and Joss rolled her eyes.

"Get on with it, Shaw," Joss said, mildly interrupting, feeling heat flush her cheeks at the praise.

"…Joss Carter, back where she belongs, with us."

"Here, here," Fusco smirked as they clinked all their glasses together.

The next hour and a half went by in a blur. It was nice to have a night out with her friends without having to save a number or get interrupted. It was just them. She noticed with slight irritation that Root and John still barely got along, Shaw was making teasing remarks that she was sure John wasn't getting, thankfully, and Finch and Fusco were deep in conversation. It had been nice, but even while hanging out with everyone without worry of being interrupted was fun, she was impatiently waiting until she could leave with John in tow.

She had a plan of getting John in bed tonight. She wore the damn thong all day, she deserved this night for the sacrifice!

* * *

John sat in her passenger seat, while she parked the car curbside of her brownstone. He turned to look at her. "What?" she demanded. It had taken nearly an hour and a half of sitting with their friends until they finally could beat a hasty retreat back to her place.

"Are you sure this is what you want, Joss?"

"I'm more than sure about this, John," she agreed and he slowly smiled. He nodded as he opened the passenger door, and she quickly exited the car too. She felt butterflies cascading through her stomach. It wasn't like she was a virgin or anything, but right about now, she was feeling like one. Joss felt like a total klutz because she dropped her keys on the ground, John bent to pick them up for her. "Thanks," she muttered not meeting his gaze.

"Hey, you okay?" he asked gently. He touched her arm, she turned to look at him.

"I'm fine, John, just a little nervous," she admitted. "As Jaycee said I haven't had sex in over a year and, to be perfectly honest, I feel like you are way out of my league, John," she said before turning to look at her door, unlocking it, and shoving it open.

"Out of your league?" he sounded perplexed as she flicked the light switch on as he followed her into her place. She shut the door, locking up, and took her jacket off before motioning for his to do the same. "How so?"

"John, you're…you, and I'm well…me," she said as if that explained everything before turning around to walk away. He grabbed her elbow.

"Can you explain it more than that because I don't get what you mean, Joss."

She sighed a bit before looking up into his eyes. She saw his confusion. "John, you are like probably one of the best looking guys and, well, I'm me."

"I'm still not getting what you mean. You're extremely beautiful, Joss."

"I never figured you would ever be attracted to a woman like me."

"Why? Because of your skin color?" he demanded and Joss saw the anger erupt on his beautifully sculpted face. "You really think that low of me? It's a wonder why you want to bed me in the first place," he snapped.

"John, I'm sorry, but I'm not exactly Zoe Morgan or Jessica Arndt. They are both dainty, both leggy, and both a size zero or something. I'm not," she said.

"And I'm not anything like Cal or Paul," he pointed out. "They were both were African American and I'm Caucasian, they were both littered with muscles, I'm littered with scars. Do you find that attractive?" he demanded.

"Yes!"

"I believe you, so why can't you believe that I can be attracted to a beautiful African American woman that is as beautiful on the outside as she is on the inside?" he demanded.

"I'm sorry, John, I believe you, it's just my nerves. As I said, I haven't been with a guy in over a year, you are my best friend, and well, I'm scared," she said bluntly. Her inert honesty refused to let her be anything but. "I'm scared that if this doesn't work out I'll lose you." And she would rather live the rest of her life as just his best friend then be miserable because she lost him. And her life would be miserable without him.

"You won't ever lose me," he promised stepping close. "How about we take things slow?" he suggested, teasing her with a nibbling kiss on the lips.

"Slow? How? We already told each other we love one another, how can you slow down after that?" she muttered as he cupped her cheeks gently. She stared up into his eyes, sighing as she tried to catch his mouth longer than for a few nibbling seconds.

"Easy, we take things one step at a time," he whispered, continuing with the soft and teasing kisses before peppering her cheeks, chin, and forehead with butterfly kisses. She grabbed at his lean hips. He kissed the tip of her nose, before bringing his mouth gently back onto hers. He kissed her for longer than a second but not nearly long enough.

Joss groaned trying to capture his mouth, but the tease stayed away, dropping his delectable mouth to her neck, and kissed softly there. "John," she moaned, a bit irritated now as she pushed into him. He slid his hands from her cheeks, to her shoulders, then down and around her. He tugged her into his arms, embracing her in a tight grasp. His long tapered fingers brushed the swell of her bottom, while he kissed every inch of her face in those annoying light but tender kisses. "Kiss me," she begged. She wanted a real kiss, damn it.

"We are taking things one step at a time, my love," he murmured in her ear while his hands grew bolder, dropping a bit cupping her butt. "You got such a fine ass, Joss," he sighed as he kneaded. She slid her arms around his body going for his ass.

"Yeah well yours is no slouch," she muttered in return, rising up on her tip toes, trying to catch that elusive mouth of his. When he played keep away with his lips, she went for his neck, sucking at his pulse. She swirled her tongue across the patch of skin between her lips, making a figure eight, and she heard the soft hitch in his breathing. Ah-ha, maybe she found the way to get a real damn kiss. She dug her hands in the curve of that nice ass of his, pulling him forward, and they brushed intimately. Her eyes slid shut, as she rotated her hips.

"You're going to make me skip some steps, Joss," he groaned.

She removed her mouth from his neck. "Well you're steps are so minute a freaking baby bird would make bigger ones! Kiss me!" she demanded. He sighed as his mouth found hers, his eyes closed, and hers slid shut because this kiss wasn't teasing or too short. It was deep, passionate, and amazing. Her hands slid with reluctance for his butt, to slide up his back, to wrap around his neck. She climbed to her tip-toes so he didn't have to bend so much, but, he moaned as he curled his strong arms around her tighter and lifted her off her feet a little. Joss sighed, the angle was now much better, and she opened her mouth wide, moving under his. Kissing him back with matched intensity and never wanting the kiss to end.

Joss found herself leaned against a wall somewhere in her place because her back was resting against something solid as he leaned down into her, kissing her desperately. His hands were in her hair, fingers digging into her scalp, and he had a knee between her legs. She heard the thick raggedness of their breathing that was escaping in and out through their nostrils. The kiss ended when they needed to actually draw in enough oxygen to breathe normally. He leaned his forehead against hers, drawing in big gulps of air as she did the same. Kissing John was definitely one of the best things ever, she decided. He was so damned good at it.

"You are an amazing kisser, Joss."

"Yeah, well I have a good partner," she teased, kissing his cheek. Her fingertips sifted through his hair at his nape. Their eyes met. She licked her lips that felt warm and swollen from his. His were wet and slightly red from her lipstick. She felt like they were stuck in some crazed staring contest as she reached up, before slowly unbuttoning the black buttoned down shirt he was wearing.

John leaned down, taking her mouth with his again. She sighed as she fumbled with the buttons on his shirt. She gave up altogether when John's tongue swiped at the seam of her lips, seeking entrance that she was only to happy to grant.

John lost control when he touched his tongue to hers. It was like a searing spike of arousal shot from his loins cascading through him like jets of heat. His cock jerked painfully in his pants, leaping up ecstatically for her. He pinned her to her wall, teasing her tongue to chase his for him to suck on it, earning him a cute little gasp from her. He dropped his hands down from her hair to run down her body, palming her breasts softly through her dress.

Slow down, John, or you'll be fucking her right here. He wanted to savor this night, making love to her. John had a feeling Joss was going to blow apart any previous sexual experience he ever had. He eased his mouth from hers, trying to calm his rapid heart rate and speedy pulse. Joss was cursing something at him, as her hands went back to their task of undoing his shirt. He concentrated on going slowly. He sucked at her neck, while he continued to palm and knead her breasts. He felt her nipples hardening under his touch. He wanted her breasts exposed to him, suck on her nipples, lavish her with loving attention. But first things first, he had her delicious neck to suck and lick on. Her pulse was racing. So was his.

"Get it off, get your shirt off now, John," she demanded. He barely heard her because his sexual lust was making her sound like she was in a tunnel. He shrugged his shirt off for her, which seemed to make her happy and then it made him happy too because her tongue was on his body.

Joss traveled a path across his many scars, nearly playing a game with her tongue, as she finished lavishing one with attention it transformed into a new one. She couldn't believe the amount of scars he had. It made her thank god he was here with her today. She used her teeth once she reached one nice flat male nipples. It was hard and aching for her much as hers was for him. She settled her front teeth and her lower teeth gently on his nipple, tugging gently. He hissed in pleasure, as he pulled his mouth from her neck.

He tugged the straps to her dress down, settling his mouth on her shoulder and sucked. She moaned, her shoulder was still healing from that damn linebacker, but having his mouth on it was oh so perfect. He reached around her, unzipping her navy blue dress before allowing it to pool at her feet. He tore his mouth off her shoulder, pushed her back and stared at her. She was wearing a black lace bra and a matching thong panties. But his eyes weren't on the flimsy lace, but rather her scar. He dropped to his knees, pressing his cheek against her chest, his arms wrapped around her butt. She threaded her fingers through his hair, letting him have a silent moment. He held her tightly, she looked up at the ceiling, biting her lower lip to keep the emotions at bay. He was whispering something in a different language. It sounded like a prayer.

Joss looked back down, seeing his eyes were squeezed shut, and his cheek still rested against her chest, right on top of the bullet scar that was smack dab in the middle of her chest. His soft whisper ceased, he turned his head, and kissed every single inch of the scar. When his eyes opened they were intense, dark as sapphires, and she saw the raw emotion there.

"Come here," she rasped around a lump in her throat. He stood up, wrapping her in his arms, and buried his face into her shoulder. His strong body leaned against hers, as if he was weak in the knees, and she allowed his heavy body to pin her to the wall. She clung to him, burrowed in his warm embrace, happy to be alive. Joss just held him as she felt his body tremble, felt his hot tears burn her neck and shoulder. She just let him cry, holding him, comforting him. They stood that way for a very long time, the sexual lust and need they felt for one another took a backseat to the need to heal over a time that had been the worst for them both. Joss never felt so loved in all her life, to have a man that was big, strong, and very emotionally guarded to be openly weeping because he was so happy she was alive. She felt protective of him, like she was his shield, and she would ward off any demon that tried to harm him, just as she was sure he was her shield too.

Silence blanketed her place, as she felt him stiffen. Uh-oh, it looked like big, strong John was realizing just how open and vulnerable he was just now. He released his tight grasp, taking a step back, and rubbed at his eyes.

"I'm sorry," he whispered unevenly.

"You never have to be sorry with me, John, never," she said with a smile, reaching up, brushing the tears away that had remained on his cheeks. His blue eyes were still dark as sapphires, some tears clung to his luscious lashes, but he looked so boyishly shy at the moment. His face was so open and earnest, Joss wondered if he even realized he had let his mask go that hid his emotions from everyone. "It must have been hell on you, John."

"You have no idea," she stared up into his eyes, nodding, because she did have a vague idea. She had a vague idea of the pain and torment he suffered since she 'died' in his arms.

John felt embarrassed by his emotions, he hadn't meant to give into them. He was going to shut them off until he was alone to deal with what he was feeling. But seeing that scar….he closed his eyes. It was a reminder of what he had almost lost and thought he never would see again. He never thought he would have her in his arms, never speak to her again. It had overwhelmed him, the top to his emotions had come off without any warning, and he couldn't put it back on. She grabbed his hands, making him look her in the eyes. She was drawing him towards the stairs. "We need to go upstairs, John."

He nodded, letting her tug him with her up the stairs; they were staring into one another's eyes as they went and neither said a word. He followed her into her bedroom, quietly. She stepped back and he shuddered as she bent over her made up bed, tugging down the comforter. Her ass cheeks were in full view thanks to the thong. He licked his lips, feeling his cock jerk in response. She turned around, placing her hands on her subtle hips, with a smile on her sexy mouth.

John slowly looked up and down every lovely inch of her five foot five inch frame. All she wore was her nearly see through bra and panties, and those damn heels. He moved to step toward her but she held up her hand.

"Just watch," she purred as she reached behind her unclasping her bra, which loosened, and she pulled it away. John moaned a little, eyeing the dark areolas and her rock hard nipples that puckered so nicely. He licked his lips. He eyed her cute little belly button, noticing the scars, but they did not detract from her beauty. If anything they added to it because she survived hell and back and was still a beautiful soul. He took a step forward but she tsked him again. "Just watch, John."

He did as requested, just stood there, watching. Joss's hands reached her flimsy and useless thong panties, hitching her index fingers under the little fabric before pulling down. He curled his hands into fists, trying to remain rooted in his spot as he eyed her naked form. "See anything you like, John?" she questioned teasingly as she stood before him.

"You have no idea," he stared intently between her legs, past the course private hair. He licked his lips as he took a step forward.

"Ah-ah-ahh," she waved her finger at him. "Good things come to boys who wait," she admonished before climbing on her bed. She laid on her pillows her hair fanning across them, making her hair appear like a halo. She left the heels on, he noted as he moved to the foot of the bed. She spread her legs, before closing them, and then spreading them again. Giving him glimpses of her hot flesh before taking it from him.

Joss felt sexy under his stare. His eyes were enraptured between her legs, so she teased him. Spreading her legs then sliding them together, then spreading them. Joss's eyes finally caught his. His eyes lifted to her hands, watching their movement. His blue irises were now dark with desire rather than emotion. She raised her index fingers of each hand up to her mouth, before gently sucking on them. She heard a moan escape him, it was soft, but hot. She couldn't believe she was doing this to him, to them, but she wanted to make this night for him amazing. He suffered for so long, sure she did too, but at least she had known he was alive for those torturous last few months. John had no idea.

She released her fingers from her mouth to slide them down to her aching breasts. She wanted his mouth and tongue on them so badly. But first tease him, and then let him have his wicked way with her. Judging from the large bulge in his pants he was enjoying the show. She touched her nipples with her wet fingers, making herself moan as she pictured it was his touch. She closed her eyes, letting herself go into that fantasy. She stroked her nipples again and again, sighing his name.

"Joss," his voice was rough from lust. She opened her eyes, looking down at him as she spread her legs, feeling wetness seep out of her, but she shook her head with a coy smile. Joss kept her rich brown gaze onto his blue one as she slid her right hand down her belly, past her private hair, and touched herself, knowing he had a very nice front row seat as he stood at the foot of the bed between her spread legs. She watched him stiffen a bit, his mouth parted as he watched. She rubbed her clitoris in a circular movement.

"Oh, John," she purred. "You should feel how wet I am for you." She moaned as she lifted her hand away waving her hand near her face. John's tongue wetted his lips like he was a man dying from thirst. His eyes tracked every movement of her hand.

"Joss, please." His voice sounded thick now. Like it was taking every ounce of his willpower to not climb onto the bed and grab her. She wondered what he would do if she would lick her fingers? She opened her mouth, letting her tongue slide from between her lips and she began gently licking her fingers.

"Mmmm, John, I bet you want a taste," she teased as she watched below his sexy little treasure trail. She wanted to lick her way down it, undo his pants, and suck on that cock that was so hard and straining for her. But not yet, John was totally mesmerized by her. She felt sexy, and allowing her wanton seductress act out was extremely empowering.

"Yes, please, I want to taste you," he begged. Joss was hot and sexy as hell. John was exercising every ounce of self-control he had and, when it came to Joss, it was not much. He licked his lips, imagining how she tasted. He bet she tasted like fine honey, a taste all her own, one that would be addictive, that he would have to have every night for the rest of his life.

"Not yet." Her voice was sultry as her hand she was licking clean was sliding back between her legs. His eyes tracked every movement. He noted the nice gloss on her sex, seeing her desire. John watched her back arch off the bed, heard his name slip from between her lips as her thighs tensed a little as she stroked herself with a knowing touch.

"How many times have you done this, touch yourself until you climaxed while thinking of me?" he demanded desperately.

Joss's dark eyes opened, searching out his. "A lot. I would pretend it was you touching me, John, and when it was over I would feel so empty and unsatisfied because it wasn't."

"Let me pleasure you, let me bring you to climax, let me touch you, suck you, eat you, please," he begged again, feeling out of control, his self-restraint near snapping. "Joss, please let me love you."

"Yes," she moaned.

That was all he needed because he climbed onto her bed, sliding his shoulders under her thighs, burying his mouth between her inner lips. He kissed her intimately, hearing her cry out, coming so quickly that he clamped his hands on her hips as they surged off the bed. He moaned as he barely tasted her. But from the little taste she was heaven. She tasted just as he figured she would taste, like perfection. He nibbled on her inner thigh letting her calm down a little after the orgasm. Her hips slowly lowered back to the mattress, he withdrew his hands from her lovely hips, to slide one under her thigh lifting, while using the other to spread her for him. He smiled as he eyed her slick wet sex.

"All mine," he said quietly before leaning down, licking her lazily before lifting his mouth up to smile up at her. He felt her jerk from the touch, one of her hands clutched in his hair and the other clutched the sheet near her hip. He slid his gaze back down to eye her secrets. He inhaled her scent. "You smell so intoxicating, Joss," he murmured, breathing on her, toying with her while memorizing every inch of her secrets. His eyes memorized what his tongue was going to explore. He licked her again, earning a sharp moan, as she jackknifed on the bed.

"You're wicked," She gasped as she leaned back down, he swirled his tongue around in lazy circles, making her gasp and pant as her back arched. He tongued her entrance, licking at her wetness before kissing her labia softly as he slipped one finger into her tight heat. "John," she moaned as she grabbed his hand. He smiled as he pushed her thigh up a bit more, angling her up higher for him. He swept his head side to side, nuzzling her further earning him a loud sharp moan.

He playfully teased her beautiful sex, exploring, and licking every single inch of her. John lifted his head, breathing heavily, before blowing on her clit. His cock felt neglected and was begging to be released from its prison, but he ignored his growing need. He leaned back down, held her down, and sucked on her clit gently. Joss's hips tried to lift, he felt her tensing, knew she was close to the edge. He felt a lick of pain as she sunk her nails into his scalp. He drew on her clit harder, applying more pressure, sucking, and heard her cry his name. He felt a rush of wetness escape her, felt her tremble and shudder as he held her while she rode the waves of pleasure. Once he wrung every last whimper from her, he kissed her thighs, and sat up. He smiled down at her, before he was flipped onto his back.

He moaned as she kissed him; her hands were at his waist undoing his pants, her tongue shoved deep into his mouth. She pushed out of the kiss to rear off the bed, shoving his shoes off and yanking his socks off while she kicked off her heels. Her eyes were so dark with desire that they nearly were black. She had the zipper and button undone to his pants in seconds. She tugged them down along with his boxer-briefs, flinging them as she stared at his rock hard erection. He was hard and straining for her. She wrapped her hands around him.

"Joss, don't, I don't think I can take too long of you stroking me," he stammered. "You're not the only one who hasn't had sex in a while."

"Fine, you get a reprieve for now, but know this, John, you are going to be in my mouth and I'm going to suck you off, and then I'm going to get you hard again and do it all over again. You'll be coming in my mouth again and again, and then when you think you can't get it up again, you will. And I'm going to ruin you for life. You will never believe you could have been fucked so good!" she snarled before taking his mouth hungrily with hers, as she reached beside them. He moaned as she sat back, she had a condom in hand, ripping it open. He tried to reach out to take it from her, but she shoved his hand away, clearly wanting to roll the condom on him. She licked her lips as she eyed the pre-cum, before she reluctantly rolled the condom over his thick member. "I hate condoms," she snapped. "I'm getting my tubes tied." She moaned as she shoved him back down, straddling him, before sinking him deep into her. His eyes snapped closed, he moaned harshly as he was fully sheathed inside her. She was exquisite torture against him. She sat on top of him.

"I love you," he sighed as she slowly started to move. Her breasts jiggled with her movements, he reached up cupping them, and she rested her hands on his chest. She stared down at him, as he met her for thrust for thrust.

She moaned as his cock filled her. He was the perfect length and width. He stretched her wide, filled her fully. It was amazing. His large head hit the perfect spot, making her groan in ecstasy. "Oh John, right there." She leaned back, mouth parted, eyes shut as she felt him grab onto her hips moving her up and down on him harder and faster. He was moaning her name. She knew he couldn't hold out much longer, she lowered one hand between her legs as she opened her eyes. Their eyes met while she stroked herself, as John urged her on him at a tempo that was fast and furious. She was as sweat slicked as much as he was.

"Oh god, Joss," his voice grew hoarse, his hips lifted up off the bed, and she cried out at the force of his entry which sent her flying over the edge. She climaxed harshly; she clenched him tight inside her, as her orgasm rocked her from the inside out. She felt him find his own release as he stiffened beneath her, felt the way he jerked inside her, and loved the sexy and soft moan of her name. She slumped in his arms, once his hips lowered back to the mattress. She felt so good she couldn't move. John had wrapped his arms around her, they both were shuddering from their orgasms.

"Definitely need to get rid of these condoms." She muttered having the perverse wish of him shooting his cum deep in her, filling her with himself. She hated birth control pills but she'd go back on them for sex without condoms. Screw it, she was going to get an appointment and get her tubes tied so no risk of pregnancy.

"I think I'm dead," John moaned quietly beneath her. She giggled.

"You can't be dead because I have big plans for tonight, John," she teased.

"Joss, hate to break it to you but I won't be able to get it up three more times, you broke me." She giggled as she lifted her head off his chest. He looked so hot, all sweaty and satisfied. "What's with that smug look, Joss?"

"What smug look?" she asked as she continued to smile at him.

"That one." He lifted a finger to touch her lips.

"Oh that, I just thought you look so damned hot, all sweaty and satisfied, and then I think about it being me that put that satisfied look on your face."

"Yeah, well you have a pretty satisfied look on yours too," he agreed, kissing her chin.

"Mmm, I am," she agreed before reluctantly getting him to release her. She grabbed his hands tugging on them until he got up. "Time to dispose of the used party favor, so we can move onto round number two, which has you on your back and me sucking on you."

"I thought you were joking about that."

"About what, oh sucking you off, then getting you hard again to suck you off all over again, and then fuck your brains out. That?" She said. "Uh, not on your life, I want that so badly I can almost taste it." Joss murmured. She had fantasies of doing just that, being in control of John's pleasure, and she damn well wanted her fantasy to become reality.

"Yes, that, I thought you were joking." he looked shy all of a sudden. She smiled, feeling like the aggressor now. It sounded like John had very polite sex with the women before her, pleasuring them, and then taking his release never seeking pleasure just for himself. She shook her head gently; it was just like John, as he was so giving out of bed it was not a wonder he was so giving in bed too. She licked her lips in anticipation as her eyes drifted downwards.

"Nope, it's what I want John, you wouldn't want me to not have what I want would you?" she purred as she batted her eyes at him, pulling him towards the bathroom. "Let me pleasure you John, let me lick you, taste you, and suck you." She repeated his words that he said to her, to him. He shuddered as he rolled the used condom off, they washed up, kissing softly. "Let me love you," she whispered wrapping her arms around his neck, feeling him stir against her belly.

"Anything for you, Joss." She smiled, she was going to take great care in making sure it was an experience he thoroughly enjoyed and never ever forgot.

* * *

AN: Ta-da! This was a more satisfying ending, right? And I can be coaxed into writing part 2 of their night...because seriously Careese smut is so damn fun to write }:P but I won't unless you guys wish it. I don't want to overload anyone on smut(as if that could happen or am I the only person that looks around for the smut), but thanks for reading this little story! XOXOXOXOXOX to everyone that has read/reviewed!


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